Kate & Emily

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I would appreciate your advice on what is turning out to be a difficult situation. You are a godsend!! The book is exactly what has helped me see a way through the break up of a relationship and offered ways to go forward with co-parenting. To cut a long story short, I made the decision last July to split with my ex. We have a three year old son. My ex is in the military and has been posted some hundred or so miles away for the past two years. I luckily have my own place. The relationship was already rocky, not helped by the distance or the challenges that military life presents. In many ways I have been a single parent from the beginning due to the nature of his job. In September last year he deployed to Afghanistan and is due to return at the beginning of April. He left under a bit of a cloud and I had to go through welfare to chase monthly payments that he left without paying. I have a strong sense that he has really not accepted the situation and my decision. He had two weeks R&R over Christmas and I made the decision that I did not want to see him on Christmas Day. We arranged for him to come on Boxing Day and he could stay on the sofa to allow him to spend quality time with his son. He ended up getting into trouble and did not arrive until New Year's Eve which left him with three days to see his son and no real time for us to discuss anything. I feel terribly guilty about the situation and have tried to be supportive by sending parcels and talking on the phone as he has no family to support him. I am resolute in my decision and when I try to talk about the end of deployment and access to our son I come against a brick wall and a lot of anger. He will have over ten weeks leave after he returns and I want him to be clear that I do not want him staying at my house for that period of time. I have said that he could stay for a couple of days but I would feel uncomfortable with a longer period of time. He is threatening to stop payments and take our son to live with him when he returns. He himself had an absent father and doesn't want to not be his father but seems unable to see that there are ways that we could negotiate. On top of that I feel awful that we are going through this whilst he is deployed and in danger. Going through a break up is difficult without the added stress of deployment. Please help!!