Kate & Emily

So you’ve reached the point where you’re ready to date again. You’re feeling good and start chatting to an attractive single member of the opposite sex. Suddenly a small repetitive sound starts in your head. Beginning as a whisper it quickly builds to a roar of “When do I mention the kids? When do I mention the kids?

I chose to leave my son’s father who I’d been with for 5 years, as it was a destructive and negative environment, one which I couldn’t see improving, I borrowed some money and moved out, without any help from him. I began renting a house, increased the hours at my part time job and now I run my house, work part time and successfully look after my two-year-old son, who is a happy well-balanced child. This hard but worthwhile journey made me realise my hidden abilities and helped regain my sense of dignity.

When I became a single parent at 30, I lost my confidence and my self-esteem plummeted, leaving me feeling down trodden and old. It took a lot of time and positive energy to build myself this wonderful life I have now, which has in turn made me more determined not to enter into another relationship without getting to know someone first. I cherish and adore my son so his security and stability will ALWAYS come first. Although I know my happiness is important too, but I am happy and that’s the best thing about the whole situation.

There’s this theory I came across called the Boulder Theory. It sounds very plonky to start with, but I promise you it’ll make sense and grow on you. However, I’m afraid that to understand it you need to start by imagining your romantic life is a mountain: you’ve got steep slopes, rivers, hillocks, crevices, etc; imagine it all! So far so good. The next bit I’m a bit less sure about as I don’t quite get the rationale but just bear with it, accept it, and we can move on to the crux of the theory....

To be a successful love-mountain you need to get as many boulders rolling down your slopes as possible so that they reach the bottom and happily pile up. Now these boulders are really OPPORTUNITIES for romance - clever! So a boulder could be a date, an evening out, going to the golf club, standing at the end of the platform with the train spotters, or parked up outside public lavatories. Now, the more opportunities you have (or boulders rolling down your sides) the more likely you are to build up nice piles at your bottom, and bag yourself a good looking boulder with a GSOH.

• Get out there, look for your new partner, for in the words of a Romanian proverb 'where there are no swamps there are no frogs', and I couldn’t agree more..
• The easiest way to find something is to buy a replacement………know what I mean???
• Keep safe on the dating scene, and whatever you do never test the depth of the water with both feet

   

  So you feel ready to get back into the dating arena! Do make sure you are REALLY ready to date, have a go at a few of the worksheets, which may clarify the type of man (or woman) you are after etc. We believe that once you have set romance and dating as a goal and mission then you need to attack in as many ways as you can: as we say ‘chuck as many balls in the air as possible…!’ Let your friends know that you are happy to meet people, have a look at a few internet sites, ask friends over, socialise like fury and think about speed dating. This will all serve to limber you up, get your antennae working, and get you back in the relationship - swing. Think about how and when you will deal with your children and dating implications. Treat it like a project, but once you have set a strategy get out there and just have fun. Remember - nobody wants to be around a desperate, bitter person so have some fun and good luck!

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  Articles: How to Tell a Date That You've Got Children and Reduce the Chance of Them Running for the Hills!! A contributor supporting the theory that it's best to date when your own house is in order The Boulder Theory (or in other words the numbers game) Speed Dating - read a personal account of a night on the tiles Dating Top Tips

  Worksheets: Dating Why & Where Worksheet The First Date Worksheet Selling Yourself & Knowing Your Dreamboat Worksheet Dating - The Children's Pespective

OK, before leaping into the dating game a little preparation’s required…..

First work out honestly why you’re doing it?

Take yourself back to basics and ask yourself ‘Am I doing this for all the wrong reasons? By wrong reasons I mean a knee-jerk reaction, on the re-bound and filling a gap. At the risk of sounding very touchy-feely – you need to sort yourself out and be happy in your own skin and with your own life before embarking on the dating game (are you?)

What do you want to get out of it?

Dating isn’t the be all and end all, or the only answer to loneliness, upset etc.. Make sure you know exactly what you want dating to do for you, and why you need it. Does it need to be fun, serious, adventure, lustful etc.? Then you’ll be better able to think through this bit….