Changing contact arrangements

I would really like some advice regarding contact between my daughter and her dad. He has recently set up his on business and is able to be a bit more flexible with his working hours and as such wants to speand more time with our daughter. He is currently seeing her every weekend for one day and night - sat overnight til sun morning one week and sun overnight, dropping her at school Monday morning the next week. He has also been 'popping' over to my house to see our daughter in the evening for 30 minutes or so before bed once or twice a week - something which I have said I want to stop as it's not really working for anyone. He ideally wants the weekend arrangement to stay the same (although would consider swapping to every other weekend) but also wants to have her midweek, collecting her from school and having her overnight, dropping her back at school the following morning once a week. I am not convinced that it is in her best interests to have her school week disrupted by a midweek overnight stay & said I dont have a problem with him collecting her from school and giving her dinner but think she should come home to sleep. I just want to do what is best for my daughter and am not sure if i am right to think this way or if I am worrying too much & if she's going to be there anyway until nearly bedtime if it really makes a difference if she stays there or comes back, or indeed might even be more unsettling to be with him all afternoon then bought back here for bed. Your thoughts would be appreciated.

Categories:

Contact / Financial Arrangements

I know someone who had

Submitted by emily on Fri, 2009-07-03 18:35.

I know someone who had exactly the same anxieties about a mid-week stay at the children's dad's house as you do. she tto was worried about routine and also because she found it hard enough doing one lot of handovers at he weekends and really didn;t want to be seeing more of her ex during the week. That was awhile ago now and the children have adapted perfectly to it as their life goes on with school as normal, after school activites etc.. As Kate says it allows the dad to do some 'normal' parenting. Once my friend got used to it and saw that it wasn;t doing any harm to the children's sleep patterns etc she too relaxed and has found it's actually benefitted her as it's one night a week she can see friends etc without having to pay for baby sitting and it also means she can work a longer day on the wednesday and start earlier on the thursday. You too might find it gives you more time to fit everything in! Good luck Emily

If the current contact works

Submitted by patrick on Wed, 2009-07-01 20:38.

If the current contact works well, then go with his plans for the extra. Use their contact as a time for you to enjoy yourself, have fun, or realistically recharge your batteries!. Also see what your daughter wants and both of you have a discussion about the possibility of change, which is vitally important for your daughter

So long as she can get her

Submitted by kate on Wed, 2009-07-01 11:49.

So long as she can get her homework done and get a good mights sleep then I think a mid week visit sounds quite a good idea as Dad can pick her up from school , have tea and then work and bed it is nice and good for both parents to be involved in day to day parenting / life.

That is just my thoughts , my ex husband pops round during the week for stories and bed and then maybe even stays to babysit a couple of times a week and that works. My children like seeeing him here and there for bits and bobs .

Not sure if there are other reasons why you don't want it to happen ?? put your self in your daughters shoes , what do you think she would like and what would be the best way to vreate a good long term relationship ??/

It may make things clearer

All the best

Kate