Kate & Emily

Email to friend

My ex left me almost a year ago for another woman and we are going through a divorce. I find it really hard because we have children and so I can't escape him!!! Although I think I'm coming through it, I still have ups and downs and I guess this will go on for sometime. My problem is, when I feel low, I text him and start having a dig. After I've done this I feel even worse and tell myself don't do it again. I'm really trying not to contact him like this and to get a life. How do I stop it!!! It's getting less and less, but sometimes I get so angry still, that he has this new life, while I am left alone (I moved away from home to be with him). I know I need to get a life, ideally I would just like contact with him to be just about the kids, but I find it so hard. I'll be really friendly with him, joking, making him a bite to eat etc... and then I'll be thinking, no, he doesn't deserve it - he can be like this with me and then he's straight off to see his girlfriend while I'm left with the kids. (Not that I'd want to be without the kids)! Is it natural and will it pass! I just want to stop contacting him when I feel so low, and I don't want to bore my friends to death either!!! Hi It is totally understandable to try and get a reaction out of your ex when you are low. He needn't think you have been wiped off the planet and he can start again you want a reaction , maybe you want to make him feel guilty and off load some anger . As I say totally understandable, BUT and I think you realise that it is not a good idea. I am a bit of an old Gran about texting and emailing , I fear it might make us all say and communicate things that maybe we wouldn't say in person and as this is someone you really do need to build a good ( at some level) relationsip you might do a bit of damage. Also you may make him feel guilty , pissed off you may also make him feel like he can still press your buttons and help him to justfiy to himself etc etc so please do try and stop . Yes totally natural , many folk in your situation will have done the same thing , it will pass , you will move on and to be honest the very fact that you have articulated this so well , means that I suspect you are ready to ove on . You will care less , other things will become more interesting and you will realise that horrible feeling you get when you do something you are not particularly proud of is good to lose and not only lose it but replace it with a positive feeling you get when you know you are rising above the rubbish and behaving with dignity . Look at the chat in "I am trying to be civil..." thread . Now what to do you need to work out a a strategy for when you feel like texting . I suggest you write letters ( that you don't send ) vow to yourself that you will write a series of letters to your ex , put it in an envelope , seal and hide. Agree with yourself that you will cathartically ( and in a safe manner !! ) burn them next year on bonfire night. On a day to day basis I would also consider writing a diary this will help you to see how far you have come there is an article banging on about this in the You section . Good luck and do let us know how you get on . Kate