OK, before leaping into the dating game a little preparation’s required…..

First work out honestly why you’re doing it?

Take yourself back to basics and ask yourself ‘Am I doing this for all the wrong reasons? By wrong reasons I mean a knee-jerk reaction, on the re-bound and filling a gap. At the risk of sounding very touchy-feely – you need to sort yourself out and be happy in your own skin and with your own life before embarking on the dating game (are you?)

What do you want to get out of it?

Dating isn’t the be all and end all, or the only answer to loneliness, upset etc.. Make sure you know exactly what you want dating to do for you, and why you need it. Does it need to be fun, serious, adventure, lustful etc.? Then you’ll be better able to think through this bit….

Now to tackle the first time you meet, talk or write to your date. You need to think about this stage.

What are your rules going to be? Will you meet up with…

all of them?
only someone who ticks all the boxes?
Someone if they sound or look right?

These rules sound silly, but it’s important to be firm on them as a potential date can be very persuasive! Know your own mind first before you get in touch with them.

Write your rules down.

THE FIRST DATE

Then there’s arranging to meet up. We all know the sensible safety advice: make sure it’s busy and your friends know where you are. Make sure it’s somewhere you can easily get home from alone – you’re not relying on them giving you a lift.

If you’ve decided to write an ad or need to fill in an application form then there are a few things to think about when you word it…

What do you want people who read the ad to think of you? Do you want them to know that you’re….
mother / divorcee / widow / single / professional
loud / quiet / funny / chatty / irritating
Embarrassing when drunk / never drink / smoke like a trooper
Short / fat / skinny / blue eyed / red head

Write a description of how you want to come across

Whatever the message you want people to get out of the ad don’t forget that warts and all isn’t an ad (very few people would contact someone who admits to having 5 children, all of whom have serious behavioural ‘issues’). Keep warts and all to yourself until your Mr / Miss Right is ready to take this sort of information on board! Everyone else is advertising, so you should too

I have no doubt that at some point in the future we all imagine having a decent boyfriend / girlfriend. Getting there is not without its pitfalls, particularly as we all come with children. Therefore to ensure future success I’d like to look at new relationships that we’ll have purely from the way we manage them with our children.

PREPARATION
Settle down in a favourite spot: on a sofa, deckchair, park bench, train, pub etc with pen, paper and enough time not to feel in a hurry, or to allow you the excuse not to mull things over properly (which is why we’ve called them ‘Things to Mull Over’).