Kate & Emily

Dear Emily,
It was only after I read your kind words that I has a good cry and realised that I am just chasing my tail, I feel like a hamster on a wheel in a cage, the baby is with his dad tonight and tomorrow I was going to go into to the practise to catch up on admin, but after reading your message I realise I do need to take some time out. Thank you for your support, I find things tough going at the moment and don't know when enough is enough at times. I will re read your message when I am feeling over whelmed and please God all will be fine. Olliewaddle

Thank you so much Emily, you have hit the nail on the head and it is good to hear it and realise it. Much appreciated.

Hi Olliewaddle, I totally understand where you are coming from, my son is now nearly 2 but i was separated from his father from early on in the pregnancy. I did and still do get wound up by his fathers apparent lack of respect for my wishes in similar matters I have my son in a rear facing car seat and will do till he is 3/4 his father blinldy went out andbought the cheapest forward facing one and a particular bug bear at the moment is Nappies I only use one brand as the other gives him nappy rash, his father insists on using the other one ( i think because his new girlfriend uses them for her daughter of a similar age). I've told him why i use the brand I do, i've pointed out the problem but it means nothign to him as he sees ours son for only 24 hrs at a time and he doesn't have to live with the boy in pain and discomfort and the 3 days subsequent healing! And that is not the only thing, his family and he smoke and lie to me about doing so in the house, even though our son was ventilated at birth and always suffers from chest problems - in fact we've just got out of hospital after being admitted for a chest infection. Sorry i am going into a rant... my point was that although his father in my eyes is rubbish, inconsiderate and seems to almost intentionally do things to wind me up, i have to respect that he loves his son, he doesn't mistreat him or put him in immediate danger and that the value my son gets from knowing his father will outweigh the minor irritations caused by his ignorance. And actually, your ex probably isn't around his son enough to realise that changing formula can make a difference and that you probably chose the one you did for justifiable reasons. Like Emily said accept that he did go out and buy some, albeit the wrong one, that he does take part in your sons life and know that though it is a slow process it does get better (then worse, then better, then worse, then better).

One final thought is it is very hard for all single parents, but when you have been a sole parent from the start, you have never had to deal with anyone else's input (except your mums!). Inevitably this makes you very focused on doing the 'right thing' now i am in a relationship and my new partner gets on tremendously with my son, I have had to accept that he has different ideas to me, though we agree on alot of things, he was the one who left my son with a bowl of weetabix and a spoon and let him get on with it within a few days he fed himself everything. Same for climbing the steps to the house alone. I have had to relax my control and my son has benefitted plenty from it. Good luck, you're doing a great job, working fulltime and being a mum is exhausting but as someone once said, you'll look back with fierce pride at what you and your son have acheived!

Dear Olliewaddle,  I think you're tired and I'm not surprised.  Not only are you in the very early and emotionally and physically draining days of motherhood, but you're also working hard, and responsible for bringing in the money.  I bet there's no let up for you at the moment and you must be shattered (as well as pleased as punch with your little boy of course!).  When I read your posting I hear of a new dad who went out to buy more formula (as you asked), couldn;t find the exact same one and was concenred enough about it being different to ask his mum for advice (which is perfectly sensible as she's been a mother and knows more about it than he would!).  She said it'd be fine - and I expect she's right.  It's certainly better than no formual, and it only need to be until you can get the usual brand.  To me that sounds like a completely normal thing to happen, and done by 2 people who clearly care about your baby's welfare.  PLEASE don't read anymore in to it.  Instead the next time he goes to his dad's make sure that he has enough of everything, but only so that it won;t cause YOU any stress or worry while he's there, because I think the most important thing you can do for all of you (dad and granny included) is to look after your own needs and get some rest.  What really relaxes you?  Music, going out, a walk, TV, seeing friends, sleep?  Whatever it is make sure you do it when he goes - no jobs, no catching up with admin or work as you'll burn out.  It's time to put yourself at the top of the pile so you can get things back into perspective and let the small things go without upsetting you.

Please take care of yourself and good luck,  Emily