Kate & Emily

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Probably not! Only in America does it cross a child's mind to divorce their parents. The ex is our history, not our childen's. To them, our ex is their Mum or Dad and they will be forever and ever and wherever and whoever they may be. Even unknown Mums and Dads live in their child's imagination, even then they're not an ex-parent. So how are we going to deal with this? The following questions should help to get you thinking about it....

Q1    Write down the advantages to your children of encouraging your ex to be an involved parent

Q2    Write down the advantages to YOU of encouraging your ex to be an involved parent.

Q3   Write down the disadvantages to YOU of encouraging your ex to be an involved parent. Would your children agree with you? Why? Why not?

Q4   Check that what you're writing is based on your ex as a parent, not on them as someone who hurt you, or who you hurt etc..

There's something called 'circles of influence', which divides your world into things you can influence, and things you can't. It helps you to focus on the things you can do something about and to stop wasting energy and time on the things you haven't got a cat in hell's chance of doing anything about. So.....

Q5   Write down the aspects of how your ex parents your child that you CAN influence.

Q6   Write down the aspects of how they parent that you CAN'T influence.

Q7   Now review what you've written and think of practical things YOU could do that would make it easier for your ex to be a parent. Try and write at least 5 things down.

Keep reviewing this worksheet as nothing ever stands still, circles of influence shift as do the practical and emotional needs of the parents and children.