Kate & Emily

Hi Katie

I am new to here too<, and so I really identified with your posting. I'm only 5 weeks into my split - and in the beginning its nice to have the support of friends popping round etc . . . but as I begin to see this ongoing solitude as being more permanent, I do find that very lonely and wonder sometimes how I will alter the pattern whilst remaining self sufficient . . . .there's a very strong groundhog day-ness to it. (My baby's a year this month . . .and has just started walking - so I am at that stage of picking up racks of CD's and books every 5 minutes.) There's also the housework/play conundrum . . . I work full time, so Saturday's and Sundays are precious with my daughter - but meanwhile the house falls around my ears!

I find that for a lot of couples, Saturdays and Sundays are naturally their family days . . ..and so dont want to intrude on other people"s family time or become a burden . . .or the ubiquitious add-on . . .my NCT friends are great - and are local . . .but they're all in couples.

So, yes, I'd equally love to know if there were informal single parent groups around, or a forum to meet in different parts of London via Kate & Emily. I live in Ealing - so am happy to arrange a weekend hook-up with other members in the area. I meet very nice parents and couples at parks and in cafes . . . .but when they head off with/to Daddy . . .it can leave me feeling a bit raw (my split is still fresh).

I totally get you on the friends with your toddler on facebook . . . .request a removal immediately - its beyond insensitive.

I don't think you are  a nutter , I am probably the nutter as I would ask them to take my child off their face book pages!! Using my child as a cute accessory would not be on .

Now I am thinking long and hard about this . In curbing lonliness I think I would look for a couple of types of friends some for me and if they turn out to be single parents great and then single parents for all the chewing and chatting stuff. Lets start with the first , in your child free time you need to be able to recharge your batteries and look after your self. Go to the YOU section and work out MOT which should highlight areas that you might like to work on . If fittness is one area then have a look at the British military training groups , always fun , several levels and there is a social side that ofen develops . Or join a t weekly tennis sesion

If you want to learn something , really think about it meditation , photography I did aromatherapy , find a weekend course they are everywhere . The key to making new friends is to do something that you enjoy or want to do or  learn regulalry. It is about getting out of your flat and slowly and gently reading the local freebies , papers , mags . They are all in the library and then joining in like mad with local groups . You may meet lots of people not your type , but then again you may make one or two true friends and they are worth it . What I can tell you with 100% certainlty is you won't meet anyone in your flat !!!!!! So get out and get mingling give it time but keep at it , it will be worth it .

I do think it is good to apporach the lonliness that you describe like thisif you are not like this then I love reading groups and cinema clubs I have also volunteered at local charities and if you are religious or just like church music try a few chuches to see where you feel comfy .

As far as meeting specifically single parents , your best bet is to use the weekend time with your child at the weekends out of the flat at the park , at story time in the library , join a swimming class for your daughter . Why not plan a single parent holiday there are specific companies on our links page or else have a look at the lone parent web site .

Kate and Emily groups will we hope develop lives of their own , there is one embryonic in SW london but one thing we do know there ar elots of SP everywhere so ask around at work , let people introduce you to their friends it is not an admission of failiure . I will investigate groups when half term is over but in the meantime

Good luck to Kate and Emily from Kate and Emily !