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How do you answer 'where is my Daddy?'

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She is only 14 months old, my gorgeous little daughter, but I know that one day she will ask 'where is my Daddy?'

He opted out as soon as the result of the pregnancy test was in. I believe in the good in people, but I doubt he will ever surface again in our lives. He has two children from a relationship that he has now returned to. Which means my daughter has two half-siblings.. I doubt they know they have a little half-sister.

Do I wait until she asks?
Do I tell before she asks?
Do I show her a picture and say 'this is your Daddy' before she asks?

I do not want him to be taboo in our house. I do not want her half siblings to be taboo. Yet I don't want to provide so much information that I awake her curiosity too much.. And most importantly I do not want to taint her view of him with any of my negative baggage (I do ask myself how can I harbour any negative feelings towards him when he gave me the most amazing child)

So how do you do it?
How do you get the balance right?
And how do you answer 'where is my Daddy?'....

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Thanks Emily ! That is

Submitted by Mamacita on Mon, 2010-06-14 20:16.

Thanks Emily ! That is brilliant !! It's good (hm, and not-so-good, if you know what I mean) to know there are others out there like me.

Thank you again for your reply and for such a great website.

Hello,  have a look at

Submitted by emily on Thu, 2010-06-10 20:32.

Hello,  have a look at these threads (cliick the links below - they'll take you to other postings buried in the forum!).  They've got other mums discussing children's books that might help ,and also what they have said to their child about their dad - as well as Kate and I's ideas - not based on our experience, but simply ideas of things to try that might help you to talk about their dad.  From a quick review of these it seems as if it's at the age of about 3 that the questions start so you're right to start thinking about it, and the way you're writting about it sounds like the right approach to me (ie not a taboo, not dad-bashing etc).  .  These threads are long and have lots of situations and experiences described so I'm hoping they'll help you - if not then please post again and we'll have another go!  Good luck,  Emily

http://www.kateandemily.com/dad-not-contact-childrens-books-help

http://www.kateandemily.com/absent-fathers-birth