Kate & Emily

Email to friend

I have 3 children, my 1st two does not see their father due to a family break down we havent seen him for 2 years I started a new relationship and had another child things were fine with my new partner but i found out most of everything he said is lies it could be anything and even when i confront him about it he just lies on top of lies, a few months ago i checked his email account he had been talking to his ex partner which he told me he wanted nothing to do with her because when they were together she did abort their baby without telling him since then she has had another baby for someone else, when i went into his emails i couldnt help it i emailed her from his email address as if i was him i started off with how are you etc until i could get onto what he tells her about me, i was so hurt he told her that he wasnt with me he told her that I was with someone else but having his baby and when i was in labour i had another man there with me, i was so hurt he was with me the whole time he didnt leave my side we live together so i dont know why he would tell a lie like that since then we have been up and down i dont feel the same I love him but it just doesnt feel the same we talk but as friends lately i cant stop crying i went shopping today and i was crying in the shops i have said to my partner that maybe he should work things out with his ex partner and call it a day with me and him he tells me he doesnt want anything to do with her but after everything thats happen i think he still loves her, she even said she had been in my car told me what car i drive she doesnt live in my area and does not know me so she wouldnt have known my car but again he is saying she is lying, i just feel like i have made a mistake and this sounds really bad to say because i have a lovely son, when i tell my partner that i think me and him was a mistake he puts our son in my face and said was he a mistake and last night i had him in my hand and i said yes i was in tears but i really meant it i have never said that about any of my children when me and my ex partner didnt work out it made me work harder for my children i went to work full time for them i buy them more i didnt want them to feel left out because they didnt have a dad but with my last child i dont know what it is i feel like i am having a break down i dont feel like me i feel like i have hurt my children i feel if i leave they will suffer they really like my new partner but i cant stay with a man who doesnt love me. Deep down I know he doesnt love me i feel he had our baby just to make his ex partner know that he to can have a baby i know that sounds childish but this is what i think i just feel so alone i just want to run away