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I think I have signed something I shouldnt!

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I have been seperated from my ex husband for almost a year after he cheated on me. I stayed with him for 6 months after but it just wasn't working, I couldn't trust him and he got caught with the same woman again so I decided we should split up. We are going through a divorce and our daughter lives with me.
Recently, he has signed onto the council housing list hoping to get a house. He is, at the moment, staying on a friends sofa. When he applied he was at the bottom of the list as a single man. He told me he is desperate to have a home where he can have our daughter to stay. I offered to help and signed a letter he had written to state that he has her 3 nights a week on the same sofa! This has put him at the top of the list but I am seriously regretting my decision.
He took her away for '3' days at xmas which turned into 8 days. I couldnt contact him, he didnt answer messages or emails or phone calls. I couldnt make plans so spent new years eve waiting for her to come home, which she didnt. I was so worried. I am extremely concerned that this is how things will be when he finally does have his own place. What happens if he tries for custody of her? I didnt even show my solicitor the letter I signed.
I am very worried as he doesnt think I should interfere when he has her. But This is her home and I need to know when she is coming and going.
Please help, my solicitor is ok but a bit half baked! He wants to take the brutal route regarding everything.

I should also mention that I had to call the police as my ex tried to forcibly take our daughter on my birthday. We were out with my best friend having a birthday dinner, there was no signal on my mobile and he couldnt get hold of me for about an hour, he was waiting for me when I got home and tried to grab our daughter and shove her into his car. She was so upset and I told him to let her decide. She chose to stay with me. The police said as he's her father, there was nothing they could do!

Thankyou

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Hello I don't think the

Submitted by emily on Wed, 2010-01-06 17:40.

Hello I don't think the signing is the real problem, though I expect you're right - it wasn't the most sensible thing to do - I think the problem is really about getting to sit down and work out a schedule for him to see his daughter, how often, where etc and how you 2 are going to be the best parents you can be for her.  There have to be ground rules and I agree you do  need to know when she's going to be with you and when she's not.  It's important for your daughter to know where she's going to be too, and putting her in the position of deciding which one she should be with is horrible for her as I expect she'd really like to be with both of you, rather than have to choose.  It's up to you and your ex to make sure she's not put in a situation remotely like that again.  I really think you should print off a copy of our co-parenting form and code of conduct (go to the co-parenting section using the left hand navigation buttons on the site)  and go through it yourself, give him a copy and  then meet and talk about it.  If you need more guidance then it's our book you need (buy a copy here or get it through your library).  It'll help you both focus on your daughter and the affect the way you're treating each other (not replying to calls, grabbing her off you, putting her in the middle, calling the police and her not knowing when she'll be with you or him, or see either of you) could have on her.  I think that the co-parenting form and conversation will help him to see things in terms of what's best for your daughter and how best you 2 can bring her up together, then perhaps the letter you signed won't really matter anymore!  Good luck Emily