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I think I'm having a nervous breakdown!!!!

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Hi there,

I hope someone will be able to offer me some help/advice/inspirational words as I think I am getting lost very quickly.

I split up with my ex about a year ago and I am still having problems with his attitude towards me and the children. I have a girl and a boy aged 6 & 5 and we live literally 5 mins away from thier dad. The split wasn't good (I broke up with him) and I had to move out of the family house and start up on my own (because he wouldn't leave). I stayed in the town we set up in (which is 40 miles away from my family) because my children were going to school etc but I have no friends in the area. I work full time Monday to Friday and I have just finished my degree which took 5 years to complete part time (thank God!).

My ex is very unpredictable, one minute he wants to see his children, other times he cancels on the last minute. I have tried to set up an agreed arrangement plan with him to specify days and times when we each see the children but he is not interested and insists he is "not putting a timetable on his children". He comes and goes as he pleases and he often changes plans that are made.

My son has quite bad behavioural problems which has lead to him being permenately excluded from school and this is putting alot of pressure on me as I need to balance work and looking after him. The council don't seem to be doing much and I feel I am shouting in a crowded room but no-one is listening. Schools go back tomorrow and because our son has been excluded, he hasn't got a school to go to. My ex offered to look after him until he got a place in school and this has been planned for 3 weeks. He has now decided (today) that he doesn't want to look after him because I makes my life too easy and that I choose to be on my own so I need to deal with it myself. He knows if I don't work that I will loose my job, and therefore not be able to provide for my children but he just doesn't care. Next week he will be having a go at me because he's not seen them even if it is through his own choice. He is so bitter and horrible, and I have tried so hard to work things out so everyone is happy but it is never good enough.

I think I am feeling quite down about everything because I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and I am struggling to manage on my own. It is also hard when theres no-one to talk to or meet up with for chat or a coffee etc. Am I the only one who feels this way?

If anyone could me help me with finding support for my son, offer advice on my problems with my ex or tell me where I can find some friends in my area, please get in touch. I am starting to feel very alone.

Crystal x

‹ Heading for complete breakdown?? Just split up ›
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I'm so sorry not to have

Submitted by emily on Thu, 2009-09-10 17:00.

I'm so sorry not to have written sooner, I've been too distracted with school starting etc.  Anyway, enough excuses from me and let's talk about you!  firstly - it's only been a year, you've got a full time job, been studying (congratualtions on your degree), moved house, set up a new home and have 2 young children, one of which is going through a tricky time.  You deserve to feel proud of what you've managed to do, and let these acheivements balance out some of the negative things you're feeling / experiencing.  You need help and support and it can't come form your ex due to the way he's feeling.  Can your parents come and stay and look after your son for you?  One of my friend's has her mother to stay over 2 nights a week so she can work.  it works well, although my friend moves onto the sofa for those 2 nights!  I too left my marriage and at the start both me and my ex found it difficult to talk to each other about the children.  I found my parents were the best support becuase they too love the children as much as I do, warts and all, and were great at listening, suggesting ideas and practical help.  Or you fix up appointments with his old school and find someone in the council to talk to about options etc, support worklers that can be put in place in a new school etc and get help.  Fix up appointments and take time off work - are you entitled to parental leave?  You must sort him out and settle him down - you can do it.  get the fight back in your tummy as he eneds you to fight his corner and to be his mouthpiece as he can't do it for himself.  Get famuily / friends to stay with you to help you. 

As for an unpredicatable ex re arrangements - it's early days i suppose, it should settle down once he's into his new life properly.  I find the best way of not letting it upset you, affect you or the children, is to always assume they won't be there, won't hep etc so that you are sorted out and if they turn up to see the children that it's an added bonus to them and if he doesn;t then it doesn't matter as no-one was expecting him.  The more in control you feel the better.  I must dash - but please, you're not alone, you're doing well, you can do it!  good luck emily