Kate & Emily

Happy Birthday :) My mum always makes sure I'm getting something from the children, she checks if my ex is sorting it out and if it sounds doubtful then she offers to help him out and organise it with the children. Last year she took them to a kitchen shop and they spent their pocket money on a cup and saucer, egg cup and tongs! They were very pleased with themselves, especially as they'd spent their money on it and decided what to get me. I was really touched, they're special things for me now. Could your mum do the same for you?

Every family needs its high days and holidays to celebrate and most certainly one of those should be Mums birthday. This is an annual day that should be marked with joy and merriment for you, for the kids and for the family as a unit.

Whilst the children will need assistance with the plans when they are small, by the time they are getting towards the top of primary school children should be able to plan and execute something themselves for your anniversaire. Nice kids need to be able to give, take, say thank you, appreciate what other people are doing for them, and understand the meaning of reciprocity at least to some extent. You do not want them to treat you like a doormat, taking you for granted, and never thinking about you and your feelings. As my wise ma says you put yourself at the bottom of the pile and that is where the children will leave you.

Whilst children are pretty hot when it comes to receiving they will probably need a little help when it comes to giving. They may need some practical help making an offering or card. If they want to buy something for you unless they have a paper round or similar they will have no dosh. This needs to be supplied as well as help with making the purchases. When they are old enough it may be an idea to include an amount for your present in their pocket money so they get into the saving habit, planning and buying

Until the time comes when they can be left to sort it out alone my top tip is to get Dad, not for you but for the children ,on side. If you are sorting it out yourself or giving them money specifically the whole object of the exercise is defeated. If there is no Dad or it is beyond him then enlist the help of another adult who can help and scheme with the children.

But do try to agree as parents the importance of marking both of Mums and Dads birthdays and emphasise that all children need to be taught to give, say thank you and share and put you both parents at the top of the pile from time to time This will make them feel they have done a nice thing for you and make them feel good about themselves. It is vital that exactly the same procedure is followed for both parents’ birthdays and also at Christmas

Obviously it is not about you getting a good present but them giving you a good present (if it is about the money give their Dad £20 to do it, the present doesn’t have to be bought but realistically speaking this is the easy option). Point Dad in the direction of arty party, brush and bisque it or similar art workshop they are everywhere on Saturday mornings. Children love to get it right or at least believe they have got it right.

Imagine how they would feel if you sent them to a birthday party with no present or an offering that they were embarrassed by. You wouldn’t do it and in the same way they will not want to feel they have not done the right thing for your birthday Personally my situation is such that I go for the blunt option. I have found some very heavy hints is the right way forward e.g. take them into Jo Malone, it is a great place to spend half an hour and repeatedly tell them what you like or else give them a catalogue with what you would like identified.

It is most certainly not about you and you are far from spoilt remember Not only is it indeed nice to be spoilt it is also great to be the person or child doing the spoiling. so it is you who are depriving your children if you don’t let them give you a good birthday !!!!!!!!!!

Any body got any other ideas , when I re read not sure my Jo Malone idea shows me in a great light !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!