Kate & Emily

kp Thankyou we had a wonderfull christmas and new year i hope you did too and that everything is going ok, It is really hard when your on ur own and its comforting to know that thewre are other people in the same situation and experiencing similar feelings and pains. I have two children a little girl who is 4 almost 5 and undergoing tests for autism her dad left when i was pregnant and has recently decided to come back into our lives which is really dificult i also have an 11 month old baby by a new partner but things have gone pearshaped there too so found myself in the same situation yet again i am in my twentys too i never saw myself in this situation but i guess nobody ever does and i guess you can just make the best of the situation we are in. And feel priveledged that we are blessed with the gift of our children.
I am very lucky to have a very supportive family too but its still hard would be nice if there were more lone parent groups around nothing beats a natter with people in the same boat as us over a coffee lol.

Dear 'Kezpom'

Thank you for your posting. This is my first posting on a forum, im in my twenties, I only just kind of became a single mum, well I just gave birth a few weeks ago, but cannot live with the father anymore its impossible.. i loved him so much but he hurt me toooo much. i moved out when i was pregnant. Luckily my family are very supportive.

I just want to say that reading your wise words helped me have a better perspective. Thank you

merry christmas and all the best for a good new year to both you and your child we are all in a similar boat together

Hello, I'm pleased the contact's working out OK for you.  8 weeks is hardly anytime so you're doing well.  If he's not going to telly ou the truth, he;s not going to tell you the truth so try hard to tell yourself that it doesn't matter if he does or not, it reflects only upon him, not upon you so please try not to let it get to you - a bit of self-reservation's called for otherwise you'll get in a bad state and that's far from great - do your best to stop it from happening.  As for advice on divorces - we've got a link to divorceaid in our links section.  It's a website run by professionals giving free advice and support - not sure how much they do for free, but it may well be enough to sort oyu out or point you in the right direction.  Good luck Emily

Hello, thanks for the replies, it has now been 8 weeks since we split up. My husband is still denying everything even though he took her out last week and is putting her before the kids, i.e. supposed to phone the kids but on the phone to her, whilst my 8 year old sits sobbing cos she cant talk to her dad, which he has done on a few occasions and has admitted this but just gives it 'I lost track of time' excuse. I dont want to knock him as a dad as he is a good dad generally but things like this happen and i get annoyed as he is upsetting my babies.

Anyway, he still has them sat and sun afternoons, this works better for me and the kids, my youngest can't bear to be away from me all day and gets really upset and i get upset when they are away all day, i feel lost after a few hours.

We are trying to be amicable still but its difficult, especially when he is being arrogant and clever and when i know he is with her but yet he still denies everything, which i think is because i have said i am naming her as third party in the divorce. Its so frustrating as I and everyone else knows its the truth, i get annoyed because i think i deserve the truth after everything he has done to me and he should show me a bit of respect, he owes me that much!

We are meeting later today to discuss the divorce whilst the kids are out as I dont want them around while we talk about these things, its not the kids that are getting a divorce and i dont want them to know the ins and outs, but how do you go about a divorce when you are naming someone else in the petition, can it still be done without solicitors getting involved? i dont want a nasty bitter divorce however she was involved in the breakdown of my marriage (and hers) and I feel that she should also take responsibility for her actions!

Can anyone advise me the best way forward on divorces, I have looked on the the internet but there are so many different sites and some just contradict each other, can anyone point me in the right direction please?

I have never been on a forum before so this is all new to me. I have been reading a lot of stories from all the other posts and it is so sad that so many woman are going through this.

My fiancee has just left me and our 5 month old daughter after 3 years together. We were supposed to be getting married next month. It started when he started emailing another woman and was asking her to go on a date with him. When I found out, I was devestated but stupidly, after a few days of him telling me he loved me more than anything, decided to make things work.When i told him the 'good news' his response was I don't love you anymore and I'm leaving. He left half an hour later and I have not heard from him since. I feel that I will never get over this. I'm an idiot for still loving this man but this came out the blue for me. I thought we would always have love.
Does annyone have any advice or tips? This just feels like the hurt will never go away

Its always so difficult when you first become a single parent its like nothing you could ever imagine experiencing, I suppose thats because nobody would really wanna make that choice intentionally in their life so you dont actually have any chance to prepare for it b4 it happens. My circumstances are differant from urs bcos i was not married to my ex i did love him so much tho and was deeply hurt when he decided to leave when i was pregnant.

I stayed single for years too afraid to meet anyone else i suppose i was afraid to get hurt again and then i met my sons father and lately i have found myself in the same situation again which is so heartbrteaking because i never saw myself being a single parent as a child id imagine when i was older being married having children and being the perfect happy family, As an adult ive come to the realisation that their is no perfect scenario for a family life its what you make it in2 whether alone or with somebody.
I watch telly and it angers me when people refer to a proper family as two parents living with theire children.
So i guess im an old hand at this single parenting now and im 26 and sadly i felt ashamed that i ended up on my own twice but i didnt choose to be in this situation the shame should be on their father not me. Im sorry i kinda got off track there but my point is that it does get easier theire will always be difficult times but then their would have been no matter what your family dinamics.
As a single parent family we just face differant problems its how we deal with them that matters. As for how you feel about ur ex u no in your heart what hes done.
The problem is when you have kids and someone hurts you like that you feel that you have to put on a front for the kids and get on with them for the kids sake but u r hurting and its not healthy to keep that all inside. My advice is to buy urself a punchbag. And while the kids are with their dad have a good old work out and place a picture wherever or of whoever u think appropriate on that punchbag and go to town on it. Believe you me itl make you feel so much better.
On the two afternoons a week subject who came up with that? Would one full day a weekend be easier for you because the kids are in school all week you dont get to spend proper time with them as u prob feel that u have to wait in for their dad to come and get them, Ur prob feeling that ur losing out on some proper quality time with the kids as well as the family life that you had gotten used to.

As for christmas i have to say thats the time of year im a big kid too.
Try not to let the split overshadow this wonderfull time of year ur kids are growing up all the time and if u wallow this year ul only look back in the future when ur kids are all grown up and regret that u were unhappy this christmas. And remember that one day and it may not be for a while but ur ex will look back and regret what he did bcos hes the one thatl b missing out most of all.
And you just need to stay strong and not just for your kids but for yourself too bcos their will be a time probably sooner than you think when you wont even think of ur ex anymore and life without him will become the norm just remember to enjoy everyday and buy that PUNCHBAG asap. xx

Hello

This phase is particularly hard and does take a while to move on from , so go easy on yourself it is still very early days and at the moment you have to go in bite sized pieces one day at a time and just move forwards getting through it .

It is really horrible to be lied to , particulalry by someone who is meant to be on your side , who seems to be taking you for a fool and making you doubt your own mind but somehow you need to be able to let that go, you know hes lying , he knows you know that his your exes problem to keep on rehashing over all the details will send you bonkers so lets focus on what you can change and help and that is you , your family and your future.

Yes keep it amicable , let him see the children and encourage that relationship . Does this two afternoons a weekend work , would one whole day be better ? would everyother weekend work ?? If everyone is happy with that then think about how you are going to structure your free time when you are without them .

Go to the You section and get out the MOT form this will help you to work out some quick and easy ways to fill your time.  Exercise is great , old hobbies , old friends, films,sleep , writing a diary to try and sort your thoughts out but keep busy yet try and recharge your batteries - tall order. 

Then as far as christmas goes I wrote a great long article last year which will be in the articles and as one who loves christmas also this is all about keeping it simple , starting some new traditions, getting crafty at home and keeping the magic alive with books , DVD's and hot chocolate

This year will be a tough one , do all you can to get through it , if you are stuggling then visit the GP and set yourselves some targets for next year  .

Good luck

Kate

Donna