Kate & Emily

Boys are so completely different to us girls thats for sure and thats what makes them so difficult to understand!!! the fact that he has found himself an 18 year old is EXACTLY what my ex was doing after he left me high and dry with a 3 month old baby- except he went for a 16 year old version!! my best advice to you is to stay positive for your little boy and raise him by yourself as best you can, showering him with love and affection and try and put your ex and his appalling behaviour behind you both.......i look at things like this to help me through, if you had to make a choice, between your ex and your son, who would you choose??? you know it'd be your son everytime , so you know you can certainly do this by yourself! its a horrible situation that hes put you in and hes just behaving like a teenage boy because he is scared of his responsibilities........if i were you i would make it clear, when he comes crawling back after hes bored of this new girlfriend, which will happen i can assure you, that you wont stand for this behaviour and let him be part of your sons life but draw a line under your relationship and move on- easier said than done - i know, more than most but once you have started your new life without him things will only get better i promise and you will meet someone who will love you no matter what and who wont have selfish tendancies to b*gger off whenever they feel a bit under pressure......he is your baby boys daddy, nothing can change that and lets face it, your baby will want to know his daddy someday- just make sure you NEVER stop him from seeing him, so it never comes back to bite you on the bottom ......you'll be ok, just dont let this hiccup put a downer on the amazing time you spend with your little man watching him grow, lifes too short for all that :0)

The bahviour of your ex is so confusing , up and down , here and there on and off , that it is not suprising that you feel totally at sea.

Moving on from such a relationship is hard and takes a long time. You can tell yourself til you are blue in the face that the realtionship did not work , you deserve better , he has problems committing, he has problmes settling he has problems within himself - It still takes time to move on from it , even if you haven't had a child together, which you have.

Having children with someone who has not treated you well and you can't just say sod off to makes splitting up and moving on  an even bigger and harder project as you have to remember that your ex is your sons Dad and if you go into our co parenting section you will realise how important keeping a relationship with Dad going is .

As far as you and your son go then keeping contact with Dads family going . Maybe suggest to his mother that she might facilitate some sort of contact between Dad and son , while you have some time off for yourself.

This will kill several birds with one stone give you a break and a way for Dad to start a relationship in an environment that you are happy with .

Giving you a break is key , you need to look after yourself and get some strength to work out what you want for the future . Direct you to the YOU section where I get very bossy about taking time to recharge your batteries. Get fit , do something differetn , do things that make you happy read, DVDS,  make some new friends , get control , because I suspect you need to develop your own plan for the future.

Although I know nothing about your situation  or the two of you I think that the biggest risk you run is that this is a pattern of behaviour  continues i.e.. He runs away , gets new friend , gets bored , comes back all good ,  gets frightened off again etc etc etc etc . If that sequence of events happens and he wants to stop it then yes get some couples counselling , get him to sort himself out before hand . Do you t want to wake up at 55 with an other couple of children and hes off again ?? You need to take control , establish what is on and what you expect and make it clear that you will try to help him to be a good Dad but a level of proper behaviour is expected . 

All the best

Kate