Kate & Emily

I'm sorry not to have got back to you sooner but summer holidays have kept us busy!

My only advice to you is to calm down, and don't ever go for anybody - whatever the provocation.  It's the quickest way to loose an argument and to become the bad guy.

If you've had enough of this crap then just forget about it, don't let it  get to you, don't react, be the grow up one who does behave properly, whatever he says - you're teaching your children how to behave and survive the real world and getting arrested isn't it.

I know it's easier said than done but you have the power to ignore it, it's your choice.

Good luck and stay calm and reasonable!
 

Hi i just want some advice which i now might be wat my mum has already said .I went for my ex about 5weeks ago where he called the police and nearly had me arreasted for grabbing his jumper.cos he thot he could involve himself in my bussieness with my daughter and think he could stop me seeing her and tell social workers that i am unfit.
He reported me to benifits for receiving child maintenence but the thing is he hasnt paid for his boy since april and that was cos he had bin threatned with legal action to recover the payments due from june last year ti april .
I now i shouldnt of gone for him but i have put up we his crap for 6 year and just had enuff of it .he telling every1 that i scratch his girlfriends face which i didnt even go at her .He also went up to my daughters dads house to tell him what happened .any addvice would be much apprieciated.
thanks joanne

THANK YOU EMILY FOR YOUR REPLY .IT MAKES SENSE AND I WILL TRY OUT IT OUT AND LET YOU NOW HOW IT WORKS OUT FOR ME.
I HAVE TO TEXT MY SONS DAD EVEY OTHER THURSDAY TO FIND OUT WHO AND WAT TIME NATHANS GETTING PICKED UP COS IR NOT A SET TIME TO PICK HIM UP.HE BUTTS HIS NOSE INTO MY BUSSINESS AND IT GOT NOTHIN TO DO WE HIM .IVE BIN GAN THRU THIS FOR YEARS AND IT STARTIN TO GET TO ME AS MY SOLICITOR WONT DO AS I ASK AND I SUMTIMES HAV TO TAKE MY DAD ALONG WITH ME TO GET HER TO LISTEN THANKS JOANNE

Right, some straight talking - it's been 5 years since you broke up with your son's dad, it shouldn't still be bothering you like this.  Something one single mother told me about which I found really useful was called 'circles of influence' and this is what you do - you draw one circle and write all the things you can influence in it.   This circle might have things like the 'rules in my home',   'my work', 'what I spend money on', 'my friends', my life', 'my future', think of as many things as possible that you control or can influence.  Then draw another circle with the things you CAN'T influence in it.  You might put things like 'what my ex says about me', 'what my ex does with my son when he's at his house', 'the rules in my ex's house', 'what my ex's girlfriend thinks or does' etc..  Do you see where I'm going??  Not yet?  You see I think it's time you focussed on you and your family of 3 and the things that YOU CAN do something about.  Concentrate on bringing up the children, building your own life, ignore what you can't influence like what other people may or may not think about you.  Who really cares what they think?  Let the way you build and live your own life speak for itself, it'll be alot more powerful than rumour, or trying to put people right.  Remember YOU ARE GREAT - you have had a tough time and you're doing well, it's not easy, but don't let anyone make you feel bad, rise above it and reach for the stars and just don;t let it get to you.  If your ex still thinks its worth trying it on with you and can't get the message when you keep on saying 'no',  that's his problem not yours.  His girlfriend is an adult and can look after herself so stay out of it, it's not an area you can influence so LOOK AFTER YOURSELF rather than them!  Get some fun in your life with you and the children, smile and laugh and let the past and your ex, girlfriends etc all just go.  Lots of luck Emily