Kate & Emily

thankyou so much i just know its going to be great now and i have taken on board all your advice and im going to have a long hard think about ideas and i have a few already !! thankyou so much for your help

Nikki.

Hello,  I'm pleased you and your mum are getting on much better, that's great news.  Kate's right abou the perfect stuff, so do try and keep calm and let things go over your head that you know are only happening, or being said, because you or your mum or brother are tired, busy, distracted etc..  Your mum might be like me - I'm fine and calm all during the day but first thing in the morning is a horrible rush trying to get everyone up and out of the house and remembering everything, with time ticking away PLUS she might hate getting up on cold dark mornings just like me!!  By the evening I'm ready for bed (I won't admit how early I'd like to be in bed by!) and then it's just very easy to be snappy and really not mean it.  Now for Christmas, I think that Kate's idea of you and your brother not arguing is a great one as it's really difficult cooking if you're distracted as you forget things and you get stressed.  it sounds as if you helping in the kitchen would worry her with knives and things so you could offer to lay the table, or do the washing up while she cooks?  Or tidy up the house a bit so that when you sit down to eat she's looking at a clean house and not chaos - I would absolutely LOVE that!  I'd also love it if when we ate we all had a good chat about anything so that we sat around the table together, eating slowly and just enjoying the food and each other's company.  Has she bought Christmas crackers?  If she  hasn't then save up loo rolls or any tube - you could even make tubes if there aren't any in the house and make christmas crackers.  All you need to put inside is a bit of paper with a joke on it or a silly dare or interesting fact, you could make party hats out of newspaper, decorate them, stick things on them, write people's names on them - anything to make every one laugh when they look at each other wearing them!  I tell my children not to buy me anything as I'd rather have something they made for me, even if it's only a card as they really are special things that I'm keeping forever.  One year they made calendars as Christmas presents for people which is easy and everyone loved them.  Draw a nice picture or find photos and stick them on paper or card and then you can buy those litte calendars in stationary shops that you can stick on to your drawing.  But the best thing for a mum is having a happy home and that will be a memory forever (and I bet it'll be one of your and your brother's special memories too!).  Have a fantastic Christmas and a Happy 2010 love emily xx

You lovely, lovely girl , wanting to make christmas special is a great idea and I will come up with some ideas in a litttle while.

First though, I want to have a word with you about this perfect business !! my daughter is just like this wanting everything to be perfect and going a bit bonky when it is not. I will say to you what I say to her , you need to calm down , take a deep breath and ask yourself does it really matter if things are not quite right ? No... what matters most ? Family friends health and happiness kindness and all those sorts of things so don't stress about little things trying to make everything perfect just try and relax listen to music, lie on your bed shut your eyes and just rest, and just be. I think when your whole world is turned upside down it is important that things that are just so , the trouble is this as the MUM (which I am) this can be quite  a lot to think about , keeping the big things going and the little things that make everything perfect , so the little things sometimes have to go !!! do you understand ????

Now as for making christmas special for mum these are my top tips

1 Agree with your brother not to argue , fight or squabble - it may be hard !! but come up wih a signal to each other and stick to it for christmas eve boxing day and christmas day

2 Who is coming over at christmas can you have a word with someone and see if they can help you come up with a plan ?

3 Write your mother a christmas message , like a card and leave it on her bed , decorate it and let her know how she means to you and how much you like it when you don't argue . My daughter wrote me a letter like this and it is on my fridge

4 I don't know you or your mum but the type of thing i would like is a little show , while I lay in bed 

A song /A poem/A danceA joke/A magic trick/ Do you get the idea

 if you need any help let me know I am very good at this type of thing. 

5 Make sure you get her a present , it does NOT have to cost much money, you could make a voucher for a foot massage from you once a week for 4 weeks, it could be a book from a charity shop , It could be an old jar / bottle painted by you with a candle in it , an orange with cloves stuck in it . I think it is nice just to be given something which shows that you have been thought about and are loved, opening things is always lovely .

Truth is I think if your Mum knew that you had written to us like this it would be the best christmas present of all

Emily always has lots of ideas so just hang on and I am sure she will be in touch with her thoughts tomorrow

Happy Christmas!

Love Kate