Email to friendi have a 3 1/2 year old son and his father hasnt seen him in over a year in half. We ran into him at walmart about a month ago and his father didnt pay him much attention. just that caden(my son) didnt seem interested in him. how could he? caden had no idea who he was? and he didnt say hi to him or try to even talk to him.
Now my son is at the age where he is asking about daddy and saying it over and over again. I have a boyfriend for about a year now. He has 2 children of his own and he hears them call him daddy and of course started doing the same thing. I told him that he wasnt his daddy that he was his friend. Caden sees all the mommys and daddys around and now he wants to know. My boyfriend doesnt mind him calling him daddy or even being that figure. I just am not sure what to do. What if my boyfriend and I didnt work out? where would that leave caden in all of this? what if his real dad decides he wants to play dad? His real father is bi polar and doesnt follow thru on hardly anything, is not responsible, and is not a good role model. when he used to come around he would argue with me cuss and scream and i would end up asking him to leave. I used to try and make his real father be involved but it was a huge disappointment. he wouldnt show up or call when he was supposed please help! or point me in the right direction to go! books to read about this ect. thank you so much for your help.
oh and just a note, I dont allow bad mouthing of cadens dad around caden. and i dont talk about cadens dad badly around him or even talk about him for that matter.
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Hi , i have cut and
Hi , i have cut and pasted two articles from the ex factor which might help. I think it is time to start filling in some gaps and starting to construct something to tell your child about his father . Just gently , little bits abiut him , about your story , how he came to be and then over time something gentle as to why Dad couldn't be around but he is still Dad and so on .
These articles do focus on absent Dads and Cadens father in unaround but a little sporadic. Do keep contact with him as children get older he may become more engaged and involved , but I do think Caden needs to know something
http://www.kateandemily.com/absent-dads
http://www.kateandemily.com/helping-your-children-get-know-their-absent-dad
All the best
Kate
Hi my little girl hasnt seen
Hi my little girl hasnt seen her father in three years he left when i was pregnant and saw her a few times wen first born then few times wen she just turned two shes almost 5 now, She started asking me questions about her dad saying she wanted to see him around the same age as your little boy i think it has something to do with them seeing their friends at school having a dad. My little girl then got angry with him for not being around and then it tuirned into blaming herself it broke my heart the day she said my daddy doesnt like me does he, Thats why he doesnt want to see me, He has changed his mind again i think becos he told me he wanted to start seeing her but havent heard anything since so probably another empty promise. I think if you dnt talk about ur sons father at all to him then he will want to know him more becos he will come up with a fantasy view of him being this amazing person, U need to tell him about his dad not bad things just how you met stuff you loved about him the bad things to an extent can be expl;aioned to him wen older in a way that wnt make him feel bad bout himself but wen hes little he would prob just be happy to know a little about him, I say to my daughter every now and then "do you have any questions for me today" usually she asks a question about her dad so its a good way of her venting if she wants or just ask bout anything else if she doesnt wanna tal;k about him. She has asked me some odd things about him like does he go shopping and what does he buy i guess thats her way of making him a real person. I did put a picture of him next to her bed but it keeps dissapearing into her cupboard but thats her choice becos its her picture. i catch her looking at it sometimes though so i know she apreciates having it. I will not bad mouth her dad to her either no matter how many times he lets us dwn she doesnt know weve been let down as ive stopped telling her he may be coming wen i no he more than likely wnt so if shes not expecting anything she wnt be dissapointed. Im ther same as you with the view that my partner would be friend not dad becos i guess if it was the other way round i cuddnt bear it if my child was calling my exes partner mummy and children only have two parents.
It sounds like your doing a great job it isnt always easy knowing wot to do for the best where our children are concerend.
Kerry