Email to friendHello my son has been through a horrible time of late and things are getting worse...
him and his girlfriend had 2 children together and then she decided to just get up and leave without any notice so when he came home from work she and the children were gone...we later found out that she had started to see somebody else and wouldnt let him know where they were staying...this then got a little better and he was then allowed to have his children at weekends..she has left him with all the debts at their bank and he is now sleeping in his mothers front room were she has been given a flat??? also she has now contacted CSA to get money from him as she says that she cannot work now....she also told him that because he didnt have the children last weekend because he went away he is not allowed to see them any more unless he gets legal advice which has now brought him down even lower as it was his daughters first birthday today and has not been allowed to see her....i find this ridiculas that my son is getting walked all over just because she has the power to do it...please could you give me any advise on what he could do as he cannot afford to go to a solicitor???
many thanks
Russell
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I'm really sorry, it sounds
I'm really sorry, it sounds like a sad situtation for all of you. What's my advice? There is off course a role for solicitors to sort out agreements on access and money - in our links section there's a link to a website called Divorceaid which has professionals giving their advice and support for free - I'm not sure how much advice and support you get, but it'd be a good starting point. He may find that as they weren't married it makes it all harder. Or citizens advice bureau is another place he could contact for help. I think it might also be worth contacting Relate who do see seperating couples to help them do it properly and to think through how they'll parent together etc.. Their link is on our links section too. That's the type of help I'd recommend he gets as really for everyone's long term happiness he and his ex need to work together and put the bad break up behind them for the sake of the children. I know it's galling to think that he needs to be concilatory and to find away to talk to her, negotiate etc as it could be seen as weak, or as if she just get's everything, but it's not true - it's very hard work and a sign of strength being able to build a new tpye of business relationship with someone who has hurt you so badly, and to do it for you and your children. Lawyers will keep your son and his ex fighting - it's just the way the system works. He may well need one but I'd also work at building bridges with her outside of the courts. Kate and I have written a book which you can buy through this site - it's pro mum and pro dad. It's written more for the mum looking after the children, but there is alot in there about ways of working together when you don't like each other, ideas of how to communicate, ways grandparents can help and then of course alot about the children and how to make sure that through all this they still experience a happy childhood. You can also get the book from the library and I recommend a flick through that too. I really hope that she calms down, he perserveres, and gets to be the dad he wants to be and that you see your son become happy again and your grandchildren grow up. Good luck Emily