Email to friendHi
I'm just asking how to cope in the short term. I'm an older mum, 44 with 3 grown up kids and it took a lot of pursuation from my partner for me to agree to have a new family with him, but I did because I loved him and he promised me a happy future. Needless to say that very quickly went wrong and when our daughter was about 6 months he started having an affair with a much younger model. He left in January this year to live with girlfriend then came back in April saying he still loved me, wanted to make things work bla bla bla. That lasted for 3 months (I suspect he was always still seeing girlfriend) and left again a the end of June. He told me last week that girlfriend is already 13 weeks pregnant (conception being either before he moved out or the same week he moved out) and they have already exchanged on a house which is literally round the corner from me so I will have to bump into them living their dream family life which he promised and then took away from me. And how do I cope when our daughter (now 16months) sees daddy in the park with his new family and wants to run to him but I will want to drag her away. He does have a lot of access and adores his daughter. Ok, how do I deal with the close proximity and feeling of having my nose rubbed in it? and knowing our baby is being transferred into a new family life with him and girlfriend. Right now I'm just tearful all the time.
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Whilst this situaion
Whilst this situaion must be so very upsetting with no escape and so on and my heart does go out to you . The positive is that your daughter does have such a good realtionship with her Dad , somehow you need to nurture and encourage that , let her have the family life and same age siblings with Dad and use the time when she is there to look after yourself and develop tha next phase of your life that your freinds just as mine are are entering.
Don't fight it , being honest you have done the small child thing with the first three , let her get her fill of the indoor soft play areas , the park and all of that with Dad and you enjoy and develop your own relationship with her and your family.
Your house will be home , you are Mum , the big kids are lets face it more fun to younger kids and I bet she is centre of attention and your family will morph into something really special and different .
Meantime you can look after yourself. The great thing about being our age is that friends and so on emerge from the baby phase and new avenues , interests and passions come to the fore. Make the most of the time your daughter is with her Dad to look at your own life. Have a go at the MOT in the YOU section and see how it would be easiest to make yourself feel better , get fit , spend a bit more time with friends or the big kids , develop a new interest and then as soon as you are looking forward and distracting yourself you will not be so bothered about looking at your exes new set up . Your daughter will be able to go there happily and you will get to the point where you are so involved in your own life that you are not looking over your shoulder longingly , but can enjoy what you have which is I am sure lots and lots .
Yes it takes time , but try not to focus too much on the negative things that put you in a spin
All the best
Kate