OK settle down for a bit of soul searching and thinking back….

The aim of this worksheet is to help you to realise that there’s probably a reason for you and your ex splitting up that pre-dates the nasty breakdown bit. There were most likely bells ringing about your relationship much earlier. Remembering your bells helps you to realise that you knew something was wrong before it ever got nasty. And somehow taking that sort of long view makes the nasty bit feel more like an inevitable consequence that you both helped to get to. You need to stop dwelling on the climax of the breakdown and look at the bigger picture, accepting that you too have to take some responsibility for it. Here goes…

1. Make a list of words or phrases that describe you and your life now
2. Which of these words are as a result of being a single parent and which are just the way you are?
3. What do you see as being the main differences (good and bad) between you and your married friends with children? Write each difference on to its own post-it note or piece of paper.Once you’ve done that put each difference into one of 3 piles:
   1. Differences that make you feel envious
   2. Differences that make you pleased to be a single parent
   3. Differences that fall in between these 2 piles

1. List 5 words or phrases you’d THINK friends and family would use to describe the way you’re handling your new situation
   
2. List 5 words or phrases you’d LIKE friends and family to use to describe the way you’re handling your new situation
   
3. What do the think the children need from you now?
   
4. List 5 words or phrases that describe the way you intend to behave towards your ex
   
5. What are your flash points, the things that upset you? What do you want to be off the agenda when you’re talking to friends / family / ex?
   
6. What’s going to need to change for the children / you? What can stay the same?