You take on new children, but you also take on an ex-spouse. How have others managed these grown-up relationships? Read on….

‘When you marry a man who has been married before – and there’s children involved from that marriage, his first wife’s never going to go away. I reconciled myself to that fact very early on in our relationship. One of the most difficult areas to navigate with regards to divorce has got to be the social fall-out that happens afterwards. We do still see some people who are friends with his ex-wife too. Then there are certain boundaries that need to be built and which you don’t go beyond. I’ll only talk about things that his ex knows about – I don’t want them to feel compromised next time they’re with her.’

‘From the outset Dan was honest about his commitment to his son, and fiercely protective of his time with him (Saturday morning to Sunday morning every week). So there was no doubt that I knew what I was getting into. I was also aware it would be an issue at some point, but for now, I was in the first flush of love and happy to give up Saturday nights and Sunday lie-ins for this bright little boy. Six months down the line it was clear that the issue wasn’t going to go away. I started to baulk at the rigid arrangements. I felt frustrated that ‘knowing what I was getting into’ seemed to have an unspoken ‘and therefore this won’t change’ tagged on the end. Dan and I met an impasse with tempers flaring. He was fed up I wanted Friday nights for the girls and not for him and I was fed up that he wouldn’t even consider one weekend in 8 as being one just for us. It was meeting his ex-wife, and liking her, that changed everything. It can’t be easy for her knowing your little boy is spending every weekend with another woman. Now we help each other by pooling information. It means that I feel less marginalised and so does his ex, ‘our’ son is thrilled we’re so friendly. We’ll never be the Walton’s, but we have created a loving, extended family unit from which no one feels excluded. We’ve all relaxed and so we’ve been able to accommodate each other – I go out with the girls on other days, Friday’s are ‘our’ night, and we go away alone every couple of months.’