Establishing a Code of Conduct with your ex means that rules have been established which will avoid inconsistancy, misunderstanding and hitting each others nuclear button! However, even if your ex dosn't want to play ball and talk about a Code fo Conduct, write your own and lead from the front. Your behaviour will influence the way your ex behaves and ensure that you keep your pride intact and don't end up feeling humiliated by your own poor performance.

Here are some prompts to help you write your own Code of Conduct.

Q1 How do you and your ex communicate with each other best? Get the most effective, user-friendly and workable channel up and running.

Q2 Write a list of topics NOT to be discussed so that you know that the issues that may make either one of you uncomfortable and defensive will not be raised. And what are the things that you want to make certain ARE discussed?

Behaviour should be your best attempt at common courtesy. No swearing, be punctual, and be polite. Be aware of the aspects of your behaviour that you know irritate or erk the other parent.

Q3 Write down how you would like both of you to behave (you can't ask your ex to behave any better than you're prepared to!)

Q5 Write down the types of behaviour that you will not tolerate, and that you wouldn't expect your ex to tolerate.

Q6 Imagine you, or your ex, need to change an arrangement made about the children. What rules could you both agree to to make sure the change is managed effectively and efficiently?

You will both need to make sure the children feel supported at important times of their lives. Ensuring that the adults do not highjack and spoil the children’s stuff. This might include, school plays, matches, speech days, birthdays, christmas, weddings etc.

Q7 Do you have these events covered by your code of conduct? If not try and work around the sticking spots.