Kate & Emily

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There’s this theory I came across called the Boulder Theory. It sounds very plonky to start with, but I promise you it’ll make sense and grow on you. However, I’m afraid that to understand it you need to start by imagining your romantic life is a mountain: you’ve got steep slopes, rivers, hillocks, crevices, etc; imagine it all! So far so good. The next bit I’m a bit less sure about as I don’t quite get the rationale but just bear with it, accept it, and we can move on to the crux of the theory....

To be a successful love-mountain you need to get as many boulders rolling down your slopes as possible so that they reach the bottom and happily pile up. Now these boulders are really OPPORTUNITIES for romance - clever! So a boulder could be a date, an evening out, going to the golf club, standing at the end of the platform with the train spotters, or parked up outside public lavatories. Now, the more opportunities you have (or boulders rolling down your sides) the more likely you are to build up nice piles at your bottom, and bag yourself a good looking boulder with a GSOH.

However, the course of true love has never run smoothly, so it’s possible that young love and boulders can get stuck and not get to your bottom…! These boulders will be stuck in your crevices, or mossy mounds and there they may stay for a while. Don't fret as it may be possible to get your balls rolling again and get a boulder packed in nicely at the bottom - perhaps all it'll need is getting friends round to yours and inviting that stuck boulder.

Anyway, do you see how this theory might work for you? I have to say I completely dismissed it when I first heard it (too much poncey visualisation for my liking) until I realised it was really just the law of averages made to sound more fun: it’s like the bloke from Nantwich with a passion for stamps who always having a girlfriend – it’s not that he’s irresistible or lucky, he’s worked hard, and tirelessly asked millions of boulders out in order to get the one at his bottom!

It also makes the whole dating thing more fun as you focus on opportunities (which is all about getting out and about and being more sociable), rather than getting hung up on Mr or Miss Right bouldering up.

Happy bouldering! May your piles be huge, life busy at your bottom, and your crevices boulder-free!