What Emily says is true , though maybe could have been put slightly more diplomatically , in her defence she was fuelled by a couple of glasses of Chablis!! Why don't you re read what you have written through out this thread and you will realise the man you describe is not your hero , didn't want the same things as you did or indeed do , doesn't behave in a way you like or respect and as a result your realtionship didn't work . However you do need to try and keep another sort of relatioship going with him for the sake of your daughter , so have a look at the co parenting section which deals with some of these issues . What you are feeling alot of people go through and it is quite hard to get your head around these conflicting and confusing emotions , but it may be worth airing them out loud to a counsellor , or writing a diary of your thought which you can keep private

Must dash

Thanks. Have been feeling it is time to STOP! Will take your advice and do it. The subject gets very boring and draining. X

TIME TO STOP!! Pick ONE VERY good friend to tell these sort of things to and BAN YOURSELF from saying them to anyone else. The feelings don't disappear but you'll find you've got much happier fun things to tell people about, and you'll enjoy hearing yourself say them too!! Hard - but worth it. Trust me.... ONLY DISAGREE IF YOU'VE TRIED IT FOR 4 WEEKS & IT MADE NO DIFFERENCE!!

Thanks for you comments. I have not heard from my mother in law about how 'it' went last sunday when ex and girlfriend went for lunch. She is babysitting tomorrow but Iam feeling like I don't want to know about it, but a part of me is curious. Bearing in mind he left our daughters birthday party early, last sunday, to go and pick up girlfriend for lunch with his parents, I feel he does not even deserve my thoughts or time. Just waiting now until he introduces our daughter to her. Starting to feel that she is welcome to him, let her find out what he is really like, mind you, it took me long enough to realise he was cold and indifferent, insensitive and calculating! But I guess everyone makes excuses for the hurtful things and tries to justify them. Only wish I had been more assertive earlier and not put up with it for so long. Well, I am free of that now but the way in which he had been planning financially and seeing other women (3 he told me!!) and was quite proud of himself too, is the most upsetting part of it, how could he do that to me? All I wanted was to have a happy family life and be a couple with him. He let me down big time, he wasn't the person I thought or wanted him to be. It still hurts that he has moved on so much without a backward glance and told me that I wasn't on his 'level', I hadn't lived up to his expectations and being just a mother who works part-time wasn't good enough for him. God knows what level he is on! Different planet I think!!!

You have been through and are going through something BIG and difficult. After 18 years of marriage it is going to take a good length of time for you to stabilise yourself. However that said you must look after yourself , help and nudge yourself to move on by doing new things, meeting new people and moving forwards.

Yes it is hard and it does take time but bitterness is not good for you . If your ex husband didn't want children and you did that must have been very hard for both of you for a long time . As you say things changed between you when the baby was born .That was 13 years ago and it feels as though although I am sure he loves his daughter and is a good father he has harboured resentment. Sometimes I think we can get caught by distress that what we had wanted and dreamt of at the outset just didn't pan out. The family you wanted and imagined and dreamt of didn't work out, you can still have good one just a different one. Probably if you are honest you know it didn't work it just didn't work .As for this new girlfriend yes you can blame her , although it is natural, it is not always fair , makes you feel bitter and that isn't nice. Do remember it really has nothing to do with this new girl , I am sure it must hurt but it is not about HER, you know that. You get on with the in laws that is not in jeopardy at the moment , you may jeopardise it if you put yourself in a different camp to the new girlfriend . It will be difficult for them to understand this animosity and as you say your ex is their son . I am sure your realtionship with the in laws is safe . Could be that 2007 is the year to start thinking about new friendships , good luck it doesn't go away but it does get alot easier.

I know exactly what you're going through. I asked my husband to leave after he told me about his affair of one year, which resulted in a child. We had been together for 20 years, married for 9 and have 2 children. He took his new girlfriend (& baby!) to meet his family 2 months after I'd found out and was still numb from the shock. I felt like his family were betraying me as well, by accepting her and her offspring. It amazes me how these men seem to move on so fast! I have had to except the situation, get on with a divorce I didn't want and make a new life. I'm doing OK, I'm fitter than I was, more social and I would say happier! (I have more time for my girls now). Seven months on, he wants to come back!! but I have changed and it's too little too late!

I've been waiting over two years to meet my ex's girlfriend (the reason I told him to leave). I have a feeling he is a little reluctant as he wanted to come back in 2005 and even through he said he wasn't seeing her anymore I have since found out that he had been seeing her all this time. I also fear her meeting his parents, I still get on really well with them, the sane part of me says they will always love me, my mother-in-law has said as much, but I still have this fear of being replaced just like he replaced me with her. I had been with my partner for 17 years, married for 15. But I tell myself I haven't been replaced, he didn't find someone better because what does he have now? Living with his parents, no privacy, no children to make him laugh and smile (I have that every day!). He's lost it all and I know he regrets it he has told me as much. I don't have to do his ironing, put up with his moaning. I have complete freedom to do what I want, I passed my driving test, got a job and am doing a fashion course at my Adult Education. All the things he thought I would never do!!! I suggest you look into doing a course take up an interest maybe something you and your daughter can do together. All I used to do was think about what happened, since I started the course and work I rarely do, if they do start to occupy my thoughts I go off and do something, sewing, baking, reading and it doesn't take long for them to disappear from my thoughts.

It's not bitter, it's normal, from reading comments on here to how I feel, I am the same, my ex's girlfriend did cause our break up and as I've said in my other comments, I try not to focus on them, but all the same, the thought of her socialising with his family - taking my place, not nice!! But his family tell me they still love me and I bet your in laws will still feel the same about you too. I think about how my ex has changed for his girlfriend. There are so many men out there like this!! (But do we really want the ones that walk out)? I know it's like they have this great life with their new love but surely if we have the kids still, ultimately, their loss must be greater. Only trying to pick you up cos it's hard isn't it. Was with my ex 9 yrs, so only half the time you were with yours. It's hard, but the one thing that's helped me, is trying to do new things with my life, like go to college just 3 hours a week, or go for days out with the kids rather than sit and dwell on him. Because I try to make myself not let him take away my time with my kids where I sit distracted thinking about him, when I should be enjoying watching them grow. My kids deserve a mum who's there 100% in mind and body! The more you do things to expand your life, the less you will focus on him. It is working for me, and remember his family will still always love you and they will admire your strength too!