The funny thing about family meetings is that although they sound ghastly they really can get the gang communicating better, improve talking and listening , help problem solve and more. So surely it has to be worth a go?
It may seem odd to apply a communication idea more closely associated with the boardroom, but there is no reason why families shouldn’t have meetings too. The very concept of a meeting smacks of the work place and although such comparisons feel inappropriate any team will work better if they have effective ways of communicating, rewards and consequences, goals and so on.
All too often, conversations are snatched on the way in or out of the door as we run to keep up with our busy lives. As children get older, their schedules compete with ours (and usually win!) and time to talk, as a family can be scarce.
However these get-togethers are not just suitable for older children. Start early – as soon as your children understand they are part of a family and can cope with simple communication. Having family meetings is a really excellent way of acclimatising your children to the concept of teamwork. Children young as 3 can understand and become involved, so long as the subject is on their radar screen. If you have very young ones too, the older ones can take turns to be their “voice�.
Scheduling in time to discuss family matters, raise issues of concern and agree family rules and values can be valuable and fun. Family meetings can also be the ideal forums to develop discussion, negotiation, rresolve conflicts, share household chores, work together, as well as help to develop problem solving skills in our children, not to mention sharpen up ours!
Family meetings have also been found to be a good way of helping a new family settle down, as step-parents and step-siblings will need to talk to, and listen to, the other adults and children in the family.
So if you fancy giving it a go, follow this very simple plan:
Tell the children that you will be holding a meeting in the kitchen serving pop corn, fizzy whiz drinks cakes etc in half an hour.
Tell them that you would like to start having regular times when you can talk about specific things. Keep the list positive and constructive but do include some more contentious topics, such as holidays, family high days and holidays, pocket money, chores. Invite other ideas from the children.
Come up with some rules that you all agree on: such as only the person holding the teddy bear / carrot whatever can speak. Make sure everyone has a chance to participate by passing round the teddy bear / carrot etc.. TV and telephones stay off or unanswered etc.
You could also come up with a family name for these meetings (the Smiths call theirs a ‘smith-gathering’)
And then schedule the family meetings in. For example, set the first one for next Friday at 6.30 and put a list go up on the fridge with things to talk about, encourage the others to add anything on
.
You could also issue a fun invitation:
A smith-gathering
Place: Kitchen Table
Time: Friday 7.00pm
Refreshments: popcorn and ice-cream
Dress: Casual
TOP TIPS
Parents try to do more than chair the meeting, share ideas, think aloud ask for solutions to problems that the children might be able to help you with. How can I sort the cellar out? What shall I get aunty Helen for her birthday? etc etc
Rotate the chairing roll. Initially, this is likely to be taken by a parent, but it should not remain that way for good. Children can take on this role and family meetings always work best when the adults participate, discuss and problem solve rather than just referee.
Remember the first meeting is likely to be awkward, but don’t let that put you off
Reinforce the importance of joining in and how much you value their input, your children will appreciate an opportunity to express how they feel in a constructive setting. It takes a while to get into the groove giving children an opportunity to express themselves in a non threatening and calm environment
Meetings can be flexible, regular, ad hoc – whatever suits your family. But really they should be held as often as is comfortable and necessary.
Stay with the real issues and don't get sidetracked. Keep the meetings short and stick to a schedule. Focus on members’ strengths and not their weaknesses. and remember to plan for fun.
If you’ve had ‘one of those days’ and it has all gone wrong and you, or any family member, just doesn’t feel like a constructive discussion, postpone until tomorrow. It’s important that all adults taking part are in a calm and positive frame of mind.
Make sure everyone has a piece of paper and a pencil. Keep a record of the family meeting and post where everyone can see it.
Make sure everyone agrees action points and set a time for the next meeting
SOME POTENTIAL PITFALLS
Although family meetings are a great way to encourage open communication and respect, there are some potential pitfalls. Firstly, trying to find a time for the family that works for everyone can be difficult. If a time cannot that be found that works for everyone, try rotating the meeting time to accommodate other members’ schedules. If they simply cannot make the meeting time, then ask for their input on any known agenda items and brief them on the decisions and subjects discussed in the meeting.
The last pitfall is when children (especially older children) act as if having a family meeting is stupid or childish. Rather than drag them to the meeting, let them know they don't have to come but that some important agenda items are going to be discussed that they may be involved in, such as who will get what chores or where the family will go on their holiday
