Kate & Emily

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Kate and Emily are to struggling lone mums what Trinny and Susannah are to the sartorially challenged. As the pair star in a new TV series, JILL PARKIN hears how they give single mothers back their self-esteem

Kate Ford and Emily Abbott are both posh, hearty and stylish – few mothers manage to look as good as these two, even with a supporting cast of husband and two salaries. Their marriages went wrong, they made new lives for themselves and now they’re on a TV mission to do the same for others, like a Trinny and Susannah for lone mums.

‘We tell people things their friends wouldn’t say, because friends often back you up, agree that you’re a victim, and don’t help you to move on’ says 44-year-old Kate, a mother of two whose husband left her five years ago.

‘You can find yourself in a role where everyone is being understanding and feels sorry for you. It’s not very cheerful, but at least it’s a role and it may be difficult to snap out of, but you have to do it’ says Emily, 39, a mother of two, who says her marriage had simply run its course. The two women have been friends for years. They live in the same part of London and their toddlers used to go to music classes together. When Emily divorced three years after Kate, they decided that, having done babies together, they could do self-help together and they could drag lots of other women in, too, and do something to boost the image of single mothers, holding meetings of small groups at Kate or Emily’s house.

Their focus was on the future. They didn’t want it to be a talking shop where grievances were fuelled and tissues were passed around. It had to be about the future, and that future, if possible, had to include the father of the children. ‘They need to have a good relationship with their father,’ says Kate, who has a daughter of eight and a son aged six. ‘As long as you’re sure your children are safe, it’s essential for them to see him. A child sees itself as half-father and half-mother, so the way you treat the other parent will affect a child’s self-esteem. If I trash my husband, they see a part of themselves as worthless. It’s vitally important that they love and respect their father. And, for your child’s sake, sit next to each other at the school play. It’s not about me sitting way over there, and some poor child on stage just wishing the whole thing was over. You’ve just got to keep all that adult stuff away from them.’ Continues Kate, ‘Most women worry about having no one to look after them and about having time for themselves. And, if they have sons, they worry about bringing them up without fathers. But money is the one that really keeps them awake.’ Says Emily, who has a daughter of nine and a son of eight, ‘We get so man y women saying “What worries me is money. I can’t do my bills.