Kate and Emily are to struggling lone mums what Trinny and Susannah are to the sartorially challenged. As the pair star in a new TV series, JILL PARKIN hears how they give single mothers back their self-esteem

Kate Ford and Emily Abbott are both posh, hearty and stylish – few mothers manage to look as good as these two, even with a supporting cast of husband and two salaries. Their marriages went wrong, they made new lives for themselves and now they’re on a TV mission to do the same for others, like a Trinny and Susannah for lone mums.

‘We tell people things their friends wouldn’t say, because friends often back you up, agree that you’re a victim, and don’t help you to move on’ says 44-year-old Kate, a mother of two whose husband left her five years ago.

‘You can find yourself in a role where everyone is being understanding and feels sorry for you. It’s not very cheerful, but at least it’s a role and it may be difficult to snap out of, but you have to do it’ says Emily, 39, a mother of two, who says her marriage had simply run its course. The two women have been friends for years. They live in the same part of London and their toddlers used to go to music classes together. When Emily divorced three years after Kate, they decided that, having done babies together, they could do self-help together and they could drag lots of other women in, too, and do something to boost the image of single mothers, holding meetings of small groups at Kate or Emily’s house.

Their focus was on the future. They didn’t want it to be a talking shop where grievances were fuelled and tissues were passed around. It had to be about the future, and that future, if possible, had to include the father of the children. ‘They need to have a good relationship with their father,’ says Kate, who has a daughter of eight and a son aged six. ‘As long as you’re sure your children are safe, it’s essential for them to see him. A child sees itself as half-father and half-mother, so the way you treat the other parent will affect a child’s self-esteem. If I trash my husband, they see a part of themselves as worthless. It’s vitally important that they love and respect their father. And, for your child’s sake, sit next to each other at the school play. It’s not about me sitting way over there, and some poor child on stage just wishing the whole thing was over. You’ve just got to keep all that adult stuff away from them.’ Continues Kate, ‘Most women worry about having no one to look after them and about having time for themselves. And, if they have sons, they worry about bringing them up without fathers. But money is the one that really keeps them awake.’ Says Emily, who has a daughter of nine and a son of eight, ‘We get so man y women saying “What worries me is money. I can’t do my bills.� With some people it’s a triumph to get them to open the envelopes.

‘Money is what everyone ends up arguing about,’ Emily continues. ‘You need to be financially independent. Even if the money is coming in from your ex, you don’t know if it is going to still be there in ten years’ time, and it will stop anyway when the children reach 18. You can’t wake up at 52 and think “Right, I’ll start working now.� You have to get a career going and stand on your own two feet. When you are doing everything in a house, you rarely get a couple of hours to sit down and think about the future because you’re too focussed on today. That’s where we come in. We find out women’s concerns and we help them find a way forward.’

That may be by one of Kate and Emily’s contracts, worked out between the parents to cover things such as access, Christmas and school events. It’s often the little things that mean a lot to a child and, just knowing that Mum and Dad have thought about them and come to an agreement, makes them feel more settled. The groups have snowballed into their TV series, Single Mums SOS with Kate & Emily, which follows one mother each episode in her efforts to get life right, both for her children and herself.

Kate and Emily send their ‘victim’ off with a task to complete before the next meeting – it could be sorting out the mortgage, joining a club or agreeing to meet your ex about a holiday for the children with him. Then there’s the social game to catch up on – dating and making friends. Just being with others in the same boat can help enormously, because many women feel ashamed and embarrassed that their marriage has collapsed. ‘It’s not what little girls got o bed and dream about when they imagine their future families, is it?’asks Kate.

Certainly not in the case of Katie Tree, who went to see Kate and Emily because she had no experience of divorce to turn to. ‘I was completely bewildered by what had happened and concerned about my children and their emotional needs. I was hit by the realisation that the responsibility for financial planning was all mine and that it was out of control. A wife and mother was what I chose to be, what I had always wanted to be. And I had to come to terms with being apart from my children when they were with their father.

‘Kate and Emily persuaded me to focus on things beyond that, to rediscover things I used to do. They got me playing tennis with Nicky, another single mum. I really enjoyed it and I became very fit. Now the children and I are playing tennis, too,’ says Katie, who has a girl of seven and a five-year-old boy.

‘It’s so helpful to talk to others in the group. There are people there who’ve been through it and understand everything. At the other end of the scale, there are those who can benefit from my help – which is a great feeling. And I now have a good working relationship with my ex.’

Katie’s tennis partner, Nicky Hislop, a mother of three, knows what a struggle it can be. ‘Kate and Emily made me think about the long term. When you have been abandoned after 20 years of marriage, it is difficult not to use the children as weapons to get back at someone. My husband was calling up all the time to speak to the children, which was causing mayhem. So, with Kate and Emily’s help, we agreed two fixed times a week when he rings them. They encouraged me to think about myself a little, to be self-indulgent occasionally. I’ve joined a tennis club and I’ve met some great people – it’s all a lot better than sitting about, thinking how tragic it is.’

This is a transcript of an article 'Mothers' Pride' that appeared in The Daily Mail Weekend magazine, 26th August 2006