So you’ve reached the point where you’re ready to date again. You’re feeling good and start chatting to an attractive single member of the opposite sex. Suddenly a small repetitive sound starts in your head. Beginning as a whisper it quickly builds to a roar of “When do I mention the kids? When do I mention the kids? �. Desperate to get rid of it, you ruin the flirtatious mood by almost shouting it out or by becoming so concerned about it you hardly dare say anything at all. The conversation dries up and you leave an impression of socially ineptitude or overwhelming single parenthood.

So what can you do? Dating “experts� advise you to present your assets first and reveal liabilities later. Quite sensibly they also point out that presenting liabilities in a positive way, also helps smooth out the initially bumpy passage of finding out about someone new. Now obviously no-one wants to think of their children as liabilities, but realistically children and seduction rarely mix.

So how do you reveal their existence? This comes down to three points:
1. When to say it
2. What to say
3. How to say it

WHEN TO SAY IT
Timing is a bit tricky, but on the basis of my own experience you should try to have slipped the existence of your children into a conversation after 15-20 minutes. Too early, and you may not have had a chance to establish your fabulousness as a person in your own right. Too late, and (as once happened to me) you may feel you are about to be prosecuted under the trades descriptions act. Importantly, although you may sometimes feel you have Parent tattooed on your forehead, others will probably assume you are young (maybe!), free and single unless told otherwise.

If you haven’t managed to mention them initially, it is worth ensuring the other party knows before a date proper. This gives an opportunity for backing out and ensures no-one wastes their time. This is what text and e-mail were invented for.

WHAT TO SAY
What you say will obviously depend on the circumstances, but as a rule keeping it casual rather than as a dramatic revelation is best. Also giving them time to gather their thoughts can ease things along. For example, asking the old hairdressers question of “Been on holiday recently?� will usually result in you being asked the same question back. This is an ideal opportunity to say “Yes, I went to wherever with my kids�. The potential date then has a number of options; they can leap on the holiday location as a topic whilst thinking through their response to your news, or can go straight into talking about the kids. If it is the latter, probably keep the conversation short, as first conversations are best kept light.

HOW TO SAY IT
The final thing to bear in mind is your attitude. If you feel that your children are a dating embarrassment you will talk about them in an embarrassed way. If you feel comfortable about parenthood and dating, you will be much more relaxed about it. Thinking positively whilst delivering any sort of message, is more likely to make the recipient receive it positively.

So think positively, don’t wait too long, keep it relaxed and it will be fine.
Then you can spend time worrying about all the other bits of a new relationship……..