My children are 8 and 10 so I am able to remember their seventh birthdays . Mine may be a horribly selfish bunch but as far as guests go they want their friends at the party to play with , as much as they love the grandparents they have never come , except when one grandpa was made to dress up as a cowboy ! ) I don't think they would want to come and as for Dad's girlfriend I don't think it is the place or gathering for everyone to get together.

This is your daughters birthday party, and you want her to enjoy it and have good memories of it . As you have good relations with her Dad , tell him when it is and what you plan to do and suggest a couple of ways in which he could help . To be honest of all the birthday parties I have been to Dads are there somentimes and not others , Grannies are rarely there and in all my years a new girlfriend has never been there .

Anyhow I love to give a good childrens birthday party and here are some of the things I have done . All take place at my home , all have left the place trashed.

Art party I bought a roll ofpaper from Ikea and rolled it out on the floor and the children painted , stuck and made mural( recommended)

Bob the builder party . I dumped 4 bags of sand on my patio and made a huge sand pit with buckets and spades ( Ace fun but not reccommended at sand still in house 4 years later)

The children all made pancake batter , I cooked them and then they spent hours in the garden chucking flour and tossing pancakes ( not reccomended actually had to have a small gin DURING that party !!! )

Inviting a load of girls for an "almost sleepover " they arrive with pyjamas , at about 4 have tea and a play , have a bath together ( actaully I filled a paddling pool in the kitchen !!must have been mad ) and then snuggle under duvets for a DVD and are collected at about 8pm.

I have made my ex father in law dress as a cowboy and taught a load of boys about the life of a cowboy, he then lassooed my ex husband and a John Wayne film went on after a spot of line dancing .

Get the High School Musical out and put it on sing a long mode and then they can all groove along.

But the way I do it is to get the children involved . Find out who they want to come , it is a great way to help them cement school friendships lets face it they will be invited back , remove any chance of stress for the child . There is no need for an atmosphere at a 7 year olds birthday bash. If Granparents want to come and help Great , fab but personally I do not see them as guest at a kids birthday party

We would love to know what you do , top tip keep it simple it really does not have to cost a fortune and just remember this is your daughters birthday party .At the age of 7 this is about friends and baloons and presents and being the centre of attention. I find the childrens birthday parties hard work , stressful and manic as I am so keen for the children to have a good time. Such a potentially fraught situation needs a bit of thought

Party on !

Kate

Dear Angela,

Birthdays can be difficult as all the adults are bought together under one roof for a prolonged period of time and have to supress any bad blood or awkwardness for the child's sake, and it can be draining to say the least! You're so right to listen to your daughter and to have one party / birthday celebration as it seems that doing otherwise will clearly upset her. Also you are both her parents, and of equal importance to her, so how would she feel with one of these very important people not there at her 'proper' birthday party? Bearing all this in mind helps to remind yourself of why you're about to put yourself through something you'd rather not do - a birthday party with all the people who are important to her there. It will include you, her dad, his girlfriend (assuming she knows her and has a good relationship with her), grandparents on both sides and if space will stretch and it's the usual tradition in your family - then uncles, aunts etc. And how would I make it as palatable as possible for you? If it's more than just your daughter's dad coming then I'd make sure you have a party that allows you to keep a bit of distance from each other - do you live near some open space? How about a sports day type party with 3 legged races, outdoor races and games? Then you won't feel on top of each other and tempers will stay calmer. It also means that you can keep all the children and adults busy, getting them blowing whistles, explaining rules, handing out prizes etc so don't have time for snide remarks, or nasty observations! Think of all the jobs involved in organising the day in advance and divvy them up amongst everyone, it'll help you get through ti. The time will fly by with the chaos of small children needing constant attention and before you know it the last guest will have left and it'll be time to put your feet up!

And as for the possible rejection from his family, talk to her dad about the party, what you could do to celbrate it, think about things where there'd be spce for you all and if you can think of something they could all come to then why not get him to issue invitatyions to his family and you to your family? then they have to say no to him and you can just try anbd detatch yourself from that side of the arrangements so it doens;t become a rejection of you and your daughter in your head. Manage your daughter's expectations - don't tell her they might come - only tell her when you know they will - or her dad can tell her as he'll be responsible for that bit.

I hope that gives you some ideas - I hope others will come up with more as there's always several ways of looking at these things!

Good luck and happy birthday to your daughter!

Emily