At the time, the expression "time is a great healer" is absolutely no help whatsoever. The feelings are the same every day but one day you wake up and you no longer have the same feelings. I no longer feel the victim, I don't love or miss my ex in any way, I have got myself a job which I really like, my own home and great friends.

At the end of the day, he is just a man. One man of millions in the world. He is like alot of men - insecure and the only way he can make himself feel better is to bring others down. He did a good number on me, but in some strange way, he did me a favour. I'm no longer the long-suffering, easy going person I used to be. I used to put up with all sorts of crap but not any more. I no longer feel I have to keep quiet if someone is doing something I don't like. I am definately stronger because of all of this. At times I thought of throwing myself under a train, but I have a five year old son who adores me. How could I leave him in those circumstances? Now, I know that I could probably handle anything thrown at me.

Today I saw a woman, early 20s being verbally abused by her partner. He was effing and jeffing in front of her and her 4 year old daughter. I watched this go on for a few minutes and I just knew that if he laid a finger on her I would have to intervene. When he later stormed off, I went over to her to see if she was alright. She was taken aback and clearly scared of what had just happened to her. I said that the guy has absolutely no respect for her and her daughter and that the only reason why he was such a (sorry) dickhead was that he was very insecure. Turns out he thought she was popping into Tesco to see some guy who worked there. What a prat. She was shopping with her partner and her daughter and he slagged her off very loudly and nastily. I told this girl that she was gorgeous looking, could get any guy, why the hell was she with him. She had tears in her eyes and so did I. I wish I could have done more for her.

For the life of me, I will never understand how one human being can be so nasty to another.

I am sorry you are so upset You sound fab . The man you describe doesn't

Yes let him be the best Dad he can and so in that respect you need to get a positive vibe going at some point( which will be hard though worth it ) but beyond that start to take care of yourself and do not let yourself be ‘destroyed’. Yes you are hurt, rejected and feeing lost these are phases that many of us go through and feel overwhelmed by but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Talking and counselling as Emily says can be very useful to help you through and build up your strength.

Remember it is not all about getting a new man whilst having a cuddle is certainly lovely and company is great but not the answer, particularly given that you have feelings for your ex and are so raw and emotional, this is not a good basis to start a new relationship. You and your family need to regroup and restabilise

Think about all the ways that you can really boost your self, your confidence, and become happy on your own. In the You section has a look at doing the MOT and looking after yourself.It does take time but if you start with some little and easy wins you will soon start to improve and when you look back next christmas you won't belive how far you have come . I am a great beliver in offloading into a private diary, i also think sleep , lovely baths , the library and a good jigsaw are the ticket for me when i want to feel sad and hide so think about what would make you feel better, escape with a DVD whatever is YOUR thing , but try and make sure you have some things to look forward to

Christmas is a bit of a shite time of the year if you are feeling lonely and unhappy so focus on January 1 and set yourself some realistic targets.

Kate

I'm so sorry. You've had a very difficult time and are clearly still very upset and struggling and I don't blame you one bit. But my gut feeling is that what you need to do is see your GP and tell them your story and how you're feeling - just like you've told us. It sounds as if the wounds go deep and as if you can't stop letting your ex have some sort of power over you - that power should really be weakening by now as it's nearly 2 years since your split. You can get counselling on the NHS and if you feel you've used up your family and friends then a counsellor can be a very good thing. We have come across alot of people who have seen one to help them work through all this stuff, and every single one has said it has helped.

Book an appointment before Christmas as feeling miserable when everyone else is jolly makes your iscolation feel even worse. If it's hard to make the appointment or to explain to the doctor, then take a friend with you, or get them to book the appointment and explain. No friend minds doing that. Lots and lots of luck, Emily