Hi all
I am in a similar situation and my " story" is on the absent fathers bit of the website. My son is 5 1/2 and asks lots of questions about his dad who absolutely doesnot want anything to do with us. I have been as honest as possible (leaving all the negative crap out!) My only advice is to be open and honest and always have the conversation on thier terms i.e wherever you are answer the questions however difficult and stop when they signal they have had enough. I got the " Do I have a daddy? The story of a single parent child." book from amazon and it is very useful and gives some tips. The fact you are on this website shows you give a damn about geting it right so inmy opinion you are halfway there!
It is hard and I too have shed many a tear on my own about it but I think the best peice of advice I was ever given is the guilt to be felt should be the fathers guilt and we must not take it on board, it isnt ours its theirs, if you feel sorry for the child they will feel a victim so "big up" all the love and positves they DO have in thier lives and be proud of what YOU are achieving on your own! Take care and good luck.xx

SAME SITUATION...My son will be 9 this summer. His biological dad was not a great man but I never wanted to keep my son away from him. He had some interest in seeing my son on and off until 2004. His motive in seeing him was too see me. Once it was crystal clear that there was no "us" or hopes of "us" he no longer felt like being a dad. He wanted to be let off the hook for child support so to retaliate he sued me for custody. The courts had no choice but to entertain his request and I had to go through the proper channels to maintain custody of the child that I've had and taken care of since birth! The man didn't want our child, he wanted to get back at me for making him pay support!! Crazy!! Anyway, there has been no contact either way since then. My son would ask periodically and I would tell him that his dad moved and I didn't have the number, which was 75% true. He left it alone for awhile. I've been with my current boyfiend for a year now and his nephew is at our house often. My son loves his new older "cousin" and he here's him mention his dad so needless to say, he begins to ask about his. I always told him that if he REALLY wanted to see his dad I would try to contact him...so I tried to contact him. This "man" (for lack of a better term-lol!!) told me in no uncertain terms that he did not want to see or talk to my son and to let him keep calling my current boyfriend "Dad", to my son he's dead. Now, ladies, as a mother, my heart bled for my son. WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO TELL HIM??? You CANNOT tell an 8 year old that his biological father doesn't want him, right!!!! Wrong. I waited a few weeks and thought about my angle. We had just watched the Tyler Perry play "What goes on in the dark" and this particular situation was in that play. Since we were alone and talking I brought up the play and asked "how he felt about that situation, how did he think he would feel if that happened to him?" Well, I told him that this was the case, the wording I used was that his dad didn't feel like being a dad, just like the guy in the play. He understood that well and had a few other questions which I answered as honestly as possible on an 8 year old level and he's been fine with it. I fully expect more questions to trickle out but it was less scary than I thought it would be!! After saying all of that, my suggestion is to tell your baby the truth about his father's wishes in terms that he can understand and process on his 4/5 year old level. I would like to know how this has worked out for you (since the post was in 2007 and all :) !! Be blessed and be a blessing!!

Hi,
I too have a beautiful child who has an absent Father. He, nor his family have any interest in my daighters life which breaks my heart. I too am wanting the least hurt and upset to my child whilst explaining our little family situation.
Following your previous advice Kate,
I am awaiting for the book 'Do I have a Daddy' by Warren Lindsay. I am not sure if any book totally fits into your own sitauation, but I am willing to sit down and read the book with my own daughter changing a few words here and there and make the most of her not being able to read yet.
Good luck, you are not alone.

I haven't come across a children's book but your request got me thinking. All the advice reflects what Silver Lining did (see absent fathers from birth)- told her daughter the 'story' about her dad, where he was and what he liked. She was lucky as she was able to get them to meet as well, which I gather isn't going to work with you? So if there are no books out there, and the children are young when they start to ask - why not write your own book for her? I'm thinking of 'My mummy and daddy story'. You could do it as a scrap book with pictures and very easy simple things which introduces you and her dad as characters and tells the story of how you meet, what happened (the bits you want her to know at this age), pictures of her as a baby etc. You might know little about his life, where he is etc but you could add details like expanding on the Dad's job in the book (if he was a trainee accountant - talk about how he likes maths!), or what it's like in Glasgow (if that's where he came from). You get the idea! But it seems to be that children love stories and want to know their story at a young age, so why not write it and illustrate your own? You alos know your story and what your daughter can handle at the moment. Then you can give it to her as a present, read it, and use it as the starting point for conversations as time goes by.
In the mean time I'll keep my eyes open for 'real' books though and let you know if I find anything!
Happy Christmas,
Emily