I know exactly how you feel as I too rely on my childfree weekends to recharge, do my jobs and just not parent for a bit or not be the one who has to deal with everything. I know that when I only get rid of them on a saturday morning that it makes a massive difference and isn;t enough of a break to get my sense of humour back after a week of work, school, juggling and cooking! Kate's right I do value my childfree weekends more than her as she has their dad around alot during the week to help and give her a break. As a result I would risk an awkward conversation about it with thier dad as waiting for your children to grow up is too long a wait - it's now you need the time. I'd talk to your ex about it, I'd say you really need those Friday nights and saturday mornings to get things done that you can't do during the week. I know that running my house to any sort of decent standard relies on me having every other weekend free. It is only 2 nights in 14 so I'd be prepared for my 2 to have a bad night's sleep that infrequantly if it meant I got time off! Recharging your batteries isn;t just about organising weekends away and doing nice things it's about being able to have a break from parenting.

I doubt your ex has done it to be nasty or anything else - I reckon it's just that it would be easier and he thinks of his new wife and children now and not you (which is OK becuase you wouldn't put his needs any higher if you had a new partner either). Say no to no friday and see - he might just have been asking and be OK about going back tot he old arrangement. Or perhaps he could have the children for 3 saturdays in a row and then 1 whole weekend with you a month? Or all saturday nights with him? There are times when I agree that we do have to do things for the children's sake and jsut grin and bear it but it seems that the downside for you is great here and worth voicing.

But if he does say no then there's sod all you can do about it and Kate's right, book a babysitter and go out with mates. I know from experience (of thinking I was too tired and had too much on to think about a social life) that going out and seeing friends can always be fitted in and makes you feel more awake than staying in on your own does. In summary (as I'm rambling) try and get the friday nights reinstated and if you can't get away from your children by going out twice a week -Friday night would be one of the nights I'd choose so I didn;t feel too resentful.

Good luck
Emily

Hi Amelie
From everything I read it is clear how well you are doing. It sounds to me as though the big things are working and whilst that is the case I would try to work around the problem rather than have a confrontation with someone who you feel is not happy with his lot.

The girls have a good relationship with Dad they see a good deal of him and they don’t mind about the Friday night. This is great and whilst it sounds as though you are jiggered by and large and I do get the sense that things are OK. As such I would be a bit nervous about upsetting the applecart. The children will grow up all of them even your ex’s small one and then sleeping arrangements can change. It’s not a massively long time in the greater scheme of things when your older one can baby-sit for you so this isn’t for ever.

I know it may seems as though you are forever compromising , but give yourself a huge pat on the back because what you are actually doing is making sure that there is no agro for your girls to be caught up in and thus jeopardizing what is working which is not being a weak pushover but a strong and heroic mother . But you are right you do need to look after yourself and definitely make sure you make the absolute most of your child free time to recharge your batteries. Hopefully you are able to plan holidays or weekends whilst your children are with their father, and try to always have something to look forward to and start to rebuild your social life when you are child free , you do have evenings , some weekends just start having new social fun gently expand your circle with the girls on friday evenings with their friends and parents and so on

But if you do want to press the point I would ask your ex if you can get them roll / blow up camp beds to put else where in his house or if he can think of any changes he can make to the sleeping arrangements in his house to give you a whole weekend say every month or maybe he would be prepared to pay for a babysitter for Fridays every now and again. I am sure Emily will have some ideas as I know she values her childfree time much more highly than I do

All the best
Kate