I'm with lloyd - When I got divorced I changed my name back to my maiden name but our children keep their dad's name as their family name - that's who they are and it acknowledges their family roots becuase that is who they are. We live in a society that can deal with all sorts of non-traditional family set ups so them having a different surname to you and your husband is no problem - it doesn;t bother my children, our family or friends. It might upset you but actually your new unit is not the unit that these children came from - their roots are not their step dad's they are their dad's. He's not being spiteful stopping the name change - he's protecting their identity. Were you like me at all when you first got married and changed your surname? Do you remember how odd it felt and that for many years you identified more with your old maiden name than with your married name? Why make your children feel that? Let them know who they are and where they come from - why should it be hidden? I have a feeling name changing says more about you and your husband than it does about your ex - ask yourself why this is important to you and then deal with it.

I am not only saying this as a single male parent and sticking up for other men, but pushing this subject any further with your ex partner will only make matters worse, For you and the children especially. You are right that is his link having his surname and seeing his children, but how would the children feel with a step dad and a father AND a different surname to their fathers, all very confusing for them!

Divorce, Separation, and contact is hard enough for all to contend with and your persual in this matter will make matters worse and add flames to the fire and surely you want the fire to go out or least calm down!

Whatever the ins and outs , I am not sure why you would want to change your childrens name against their fathers wishes to take your new husbands name, it does not seem reasonable to me . It may make things slightly easier for you . I for one would not like it if I were your childrens father and I do know that my children would go APE at the suggestion of losing their surname and even changing it to mine .I know nothing about how changing childrens names by deed polls goes but I would be suprised if you could do this against their fathers wishes.

Do remember when things were fine between you and your childrens father and concentrate on getting a new equilibrium working. Think co operative working give and take relationship , that really is important for your children.

Clearly a new man living with his children, marriage and the whole shabang is likely to make your ex jumpy and I honestly think you have just thrown a firework into the fire by pushing for your children to take on your new husbands name . It may feel to him as though you are trying to airbrush him out of his childrens lives , that you and your new husband are going to play happy families without him even on the horizon . Do look at this also from your childrens point of view THEY may well want that link to their father and the whole of that side of their familiy , which we think is very important and til they are old enough to decide then my opinion is that you should think long and hard about doing this
This is my view Emily may think otherwise so watch this space

Kate