Mike

I think your instinct to hang on in there is completely correct. We believe that it is good for a child to have a good and positive relationship with both parents we also believe that when children are small it is up to both parents to encourage the relationship with the other parent as much as possible . It is better if you can work something out between yourselves BUT if this is not possible then you may have to resort to getting access determined by the law.

If it was me , I would have a firm , frank and yet gentle conversation with your sons mother and make it very clear that
a) you are the father and want to see your son and have a role in his life
b) that you do not intend to give up and would rather something could be worked out between the two of you
c) You will do everything to help her parent your son .What does she find stressful ? lack of time , money , inability to get a life ?? child care.

But do keep up a continuous stream of letters , postcards , do keep calling , do visit , do keep the communication channels open .

My instinct tells me you have been a bit too understanding. At the end of the day You Dad are very important to your son and if your sons mother is not letting you in you may need be slightly more firm . I can understand that you don't want to send her to ground in Mexico by upping the pressure but I think I smell a whiff of alienation here , and I think a trip to the lawyer might be an idea, not something I think I have ever recommended before

As ever home spun advice from a single Mum .

Kate

Thank you for your advise, i have invited them over many times, i will just continue to do so.
I know that she worries that the more time my son spends with me, especially if he has fun, then the harder it will be for him, and thats the biggest problem for her.

Also she is fed up in Belgium and has been planning on moving to Mexico.. even more of a reason for her to limit my contact to make the move easier.
My instinct tells me just to keep on, i won't give up,

Thanks again
Mike

I don't know I'm afraid but here are the things I've heard from others that might be relevant and help you - a child psychologist told us that when contact was infrequent between child and parent (eg long distance like you) then every time they say good bye to each other the child goes through the 'grieving' process afresh each time. And it's this that often makes the mother say it's damaging the child - actually a child has a deeper need to see and know both their parents. The parent the child lives with needs to be prepared for the grieving process and to be particulalry patient and understanding - but this is a 'better' pain for the child than not seeing their other parent at all.

But to see your son more regularly you need the help of his mother so I would have thought that the irregular, turning up approach is the best you can do. Could you spend time with her? I'm wondering if you could suggest she and your son come and spend a holiday with you in France so that she can have a rest while you do things with your son, and she'll be around so she'd be reassured that your son's OK. Perhaps invite others she knows to dilute the awkwardness?

I'm not sure how reassuring any of this is - but please don't give up and perhaps start to think creatively about ways of getting through to your ex so you can show her the benefits to her and your son of more contact.

Good luck Emily