still without daddy

HI

I have a 7 year old daughter who has special needs, her so called dad walked out of her life 5 years ago and has never phoned or seen her since(his loss). i have never had a penny off him. I recently found out that he has had another 2 children with different women who he has also abandoned. she has never asked anything about him but i dreed the day i have to because i hate him with a passion. He put me through so much before and after she was born. I was so glad the day my divorce came through i was free from him, but he left a beautiful little girl who is doing well in school. How can you explain to a child that it was because of her disability that her dad left.

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( categories: Dear Kate & Emily )
Hi When it comes to
Submitted by kate on Thu, 2008-06-12 15:40.

Hi

When it comes to communicating with children it is important they feel no blame at all , they feel loved , they do not feel abandoned that it is age appropraite and to an extent a version of the truth and explained in a way they understand . Your explanation should whatever you may feel not turn your child against her father. May sound like a tall order but it is important not to off load the anger that you feel towards your ex onto your child. This is very important stuff when it comes to her self esteem and so on

I think you know that to tick all of these boxes you can't possibly explain to your daughter that your ex left because of her disabilities,to do so would make her feel responsible, bad about herself, abandoned and not loved so I certainly reccommend that you do not go down that route

As you say he has left two other children did they have diabilities too??????

Only you can know what to say but something along the lines of

Daddy loved you but needed to go and live alone for a while
Daddy loved you but didn't want to live with me
Mummy and Daddy don't love each other any more so Daddy went to live somewhere else

I will return with a fuller reply but at the moment have to go and get a child from school

Kate

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