Thanks - your comments helped. I'm not the only one in this situation - sometimes you think you are

Thanks for your comments. Sometimes you forget that other people are in the same situation and going through the same emotions. It helps when someone says "you've not lost the plot" It really helps though if that person is in a similar circumstance, friends are great but they cant always understand the turmoil unless they have been there.

I so know where you are coming from, i've been separated from my son's father since very early on in the pregnancy. Not least because he didn't want kids. I've recently found out he has been living with his girlfriend and her 4 kids (the youngest the same age as my son) for the last 6-12 months. I am angry and annoyed that he showed me so little respect by not telling me, but then this is a good reminder why we aren't together.
Back to the point, I also worry that my son is enjoying his time more with his father as there is so much going on and he is at the age (18 months) where he loves to watch the older children too. Especially as like you I am a working mum and i feel my weekends are filled with dross and time sharing chores/baby, but i made a promise to spend the saturday he is with me doing something (even just a trip to the slide is enough at his age to be an adventure) and I actively try and provide a quiet boring but intimate environment the rest of the time. I figure the more people around the less one to one attention he is getting, that's something i can give him, in bucket loads!

Good luck and I agree this site is brilliant, it's great for readjusting your perspective (and having your ego stroked just a little when you need it)!

Thankyou so much - it brought tears to my eyes when I read your answer. I know you're right and its just another stage that I have to work through. I wish I'd found this site years ago!

Hi

Please don't be ashamed this is such a normal and real worry that so many people have in these circumstances i.e.that an only child will prefer the action in Dads new family to coming home to boring old Mum. I think the truth of the matter is whilst it may be fun to be with the new gang it is also very very good to come home to the totally comfortable reassuring security of Mum and home. It is great that he is having a good time with Dad and this crew , much better this than not being included and feeling left out , he is clearly a happy confident social soul to be to be integrated in this way. So whilst I am sure you realise this is good don't think for one minute that this makes you redundant at all , or boring or as though there is nothing going on in your house , that it is quiet and dull and that this is bad . Home is often this way in most homes however many parents live there . A great childhood and upbringing is not all about outings , pzaxzz and go go go it is about creating a home where yes it can be boring ( hey thats part of growing up )but where it is secure, reassuring and loving and just good old home ( feel like I have written home a dozen times , but it says it all ). Sometimes I think that we single mums get carried away compensating . So remember you are Mum and everything special that goes with that , nothing will change that , it is good he is having a good time with Dad , and home is home and you do not have to entertain or compete to make it attractive .

However if you do want to do a bit of bonding then why not save the chores til your son is with Dad , or just let them go, says she who is very much in the let the housework go gang , so the weekends you do have your son are for you two to have fun and BE together .

Encourage your son to bring his friends home ( not sure how old he is ) or if young invite his friends and parents over. We are very keen on Friday night pizza evenings but the idea of getting peolpe into the house whether they be neighbours , parents and so on can be a great way of mixing the pot a bit.

Think about developing a hobby for the two of you something you both might enjoy , my sister forced herself to get into football and is now a rabid Arsenal fan maybe something that gets you out of the house say the whole hornby trainspotting thing !!!!!!!!!!! or what about food and cooking most kids go for that one

But the time that is most precious to my kids is in the evening just me and them a bag of prawn crackers and the Vicar of Dibley and they are in heaven.

But do relax , I know it is upsetting could be that seeing what looks like a normal family may be making you yearn for what you don't have and what your son doesn't have ? It is totally OK to feel that but don't dwell too much on that .Your family is what it is and enjoy what you have .Have more faith in yourself and the relationship you have with your son . One of the bye products of being a single mum is often incredibly strong relationships with the children and nothing can change that .

As Emily would say chin up and as I would say ditch the chores

All the best

Kate