Dad doesn't want to co parent I am worried he is trying to replace me

My 13 year relationship ended 1 and 1/2 years ago. I have two beautiful children aged 9 and 2 1/2. Towards the end of the relationship I suffered a lot of emotional abuse and occassional physical. My ex left for another woman who he has now proposed to marry.I am beginning to get over the sense of bitterness and disappointment that things will not be as I expected. My children see him regularly - every other weekend and once in the week. More recently he has begun to have them overnight as he now has a place that he can do this. He recently became aggressive and threatened to take me to court if he is not able to have more access. Does this access he has, sound fair? I am keen to co-parent and have always involved him in anything going on in our children's lives however I am finding the lack of trust based around the numerous lies he has told hard to overcome, he has also told me my children would end up hating me and I am worried that he intends to turn them against me, I also feel he wants to oust me as the mother and put his new woman in my place as he does not seem to want to engage in any discussions with me about them. She is constantly there when they visit and she is always in the car when he picks them up or drops them off. Are these feelings normal and does anyone have any suggestions on hownto try to alleviate them?

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Sorry in a bit of a rush but
Submitted by kate on Tue, 2008-08-26 11:52.

Sorry in a bit of a rush but it sounds like you are doing a great job in navigating the co parenting plan through choppy waters but do stick to your guns. Work through the co parenting section of the web carefully either on your own or hopefully with Dad and then sitck to the code of bhaviour conduct i.e.e try not to rise to the bait of this confrontation )even though his negative behaviour might make this hard. Do the right thing , keep positive about Dad , involve him as you have whenever you can and then the children cannot be turned against you . If you really believe that he is deliberately alientaing the children from you then that is really serious and it is taken very seriously by the courts and keep any concrete evidence that you can gather to support such a case. However lets hope it doesn't get that far and everything settles down into a routine that is good for the children and that what this is about not sharing out children , everyother weekend and once during the week counds fair with some of the school holidays . You are Mum , he is Dad nothing can change that and together you are the parents , your feelings are totally normal but really the bond between you and your children is simply just not breakable, negotiable or up for grabs

All the very best
Kate

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The arrangements in place
Submitted by garberj on Thu, 2008-08-21 09:59.

The arrangements in place are VERY reasonable indeed. It would cost your ex-partner a great deal of money (if in good employment) to appoint a Solicitor. The Family Court system is complex and would cause you both a great deal of stress (and financial hardship). If you have evidence of both emotional and occassional abuse, the system would benefit you more than him as you have been so fair in arranging acess. Your feelings are normal, just continue to love your children as you are, do not think negatively about yourself as a mother - you're children will always love you and concentrate on your time with them rather than your time without them. Best of Luck.

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