Hi

You must talk and talk and talk to her for a couple of big reasons firstly so that she can understand a little bit better and secondly to provide her with some armor when people do ask her. I am sure she will find it greatly reassuring to know that she has a response to these questions that feels right and OK to say,up her sleeve.

Dealing with helping her to understand your familys situation. You have to come up with an explanation that
Is a version of the truth?
She cannot not in any miniscule way interpret as being her fault
Ensures that she feels still loved by you and her Dad and that no one has abandoned her
That she is loveable and that she still has a family
That does not blame either parent

A bit of a tall order but possible , she doesn’t need to know the ins and outs .I am sure you don’t need me to tell you that she does mind but by keeping conflict , anger and agro out of these chats then you will be helping her

So I go with the vague, this is just the way it turned out, we tried, but adults fall out of love, do strange things change and so on and so on. This does not mean we don’t love you type of thing.

And then empathise, I am sure that this makes you feel angry , upset , different , some people feel xy and Z and let her talk

Pick your time to chat like this some children like one on one special time .Mine don’t they like to talk when they are playing a game, pottering in the kitchen, painting .and so on .As time passes you will be able to flesh out the story a little bit more, but still incorporating the general YOU are much loved, it isn’t your fault, it isn’t anybody’s fault but it is very sad and we are going to make it as good as we can.

My daughter has just started secondary school also. At primary she was the only child in her class with divorced parents and is very private about it all so was dreading people finding out.She seemed to love people not knowing and typically this lasted for a week as some children are more open and then one day indeed one of her friends did ask.

She gave an extremely simple explanation which was an answer that finished the conversation and then , and I think this is a really good idea ,she ended it with but I see Dad a lot and he gets on with my mum . I think that to end on this positive note which she added in is great as she doesn’t want people to feel sorry for her and she wants to stand up for her Dad and let everyone know that she has one too.

So rambling conclusion help her to come up with something she feels happy saying.

Could be Mum and Dad didn’t want to be together its all a bit new .

Not wishing to make you buy our book , but why not !!!!. We wrote it because like you we didn’t know many in our circles when we set off and when we had discovered all manner of bits and bobs along the way we wrote was is really a best friends guide to single parenting which is a culmination of hundreds of peoples good and positive advice.

Good luck

Kate

ps my daughter loved 'Its not the end of the world' by Judy Blume its a girly novel not a kids self help book