Top Tips To Make New Partners Work
Email to friendTalk about new partners positively with children, even before you have one
Stop bed sharing – make sure that your privacy (and the children’s) is respected before someone else comes into your bed and could be seen as ‘throwing out / replacing’ your child.
Mention x in conversation, then a meeting - keep it short, eg a half hour trip to the park
Demonstrate your willingness to listen to, and consider, your child’s concerns – even if you ultimately don’t agree – sends your child the message that nothing, and no-one, can come between the 2 of you.
When a child is hostile to someone new – try to find out why. Ask questions that will enable them to describe what it is they’re uncomfortable with.
Talk, talk, talk and talk!
There are rules that your new partner needs to follow –
Remember your home is your child’s home too, and just as you would expect your child to respect any guest, your new partner should behave respectfully towards the child. This means that your new partner should NOT…
Tease your child
Correct or discipline him, except when there’s clear or significant danger
Call your child nicknames they don’t like
Pry, interfere or offer unsolicited advice about anything (even if it’s well meaning)
Enter their room or private space without an invitation
Join in an activity or conversation without having been specifically invited by you or your child
Touch or interact with your child in any way that the child finds uncomfortable, no matter how innocent it is – including play fights, rough and tumble, tickling etc.
Mention to the child anything you have discussed with you new partner about the child (your Mum told me that you though you looked really ugly with your brace, or I gather you’re not enjoying school at the moment)
Attempt to coerce your child into doing anything they do not want to do
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