Kate & Emily - Articles

An advertorial for the Divorce Support Group which gives advice and help on the first emotions post break up

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 19:42:47 +0000

TAKING THE STING OUT OF DIVORCE

Joking and light hearted banter aside, divorce is right up there with death in terms of its impact on your emotional well being. There is no quick fix and no easy answer to what is essentially a bereavement and feels like an overwhelming loss and sense of abandonment.

One of the most important things to do is to accept that you feel the way you do and allow yourself to grieve without fighting it. Rather than immediately rushing off to busy yourself, allow yourself to cry, feel angry and rage if you want to. Not fighting it will make it feel better. There is time enough to pick yourself up and reshape your life. Don’t be surprised by the magnitude of your feelings, indulge them. That’s a much better investment for recovery than masking them.

You've just split up and need to get a lawyer. This tells you what your options are and what might suit you best

Thu, 5 Jun 2008 20:34:54 +0000

Relationship Breakdown ~ what are the options?

This was written for us by Helen Adam of Family Mediation in Wandsworth (020 3087 2836)

When a couple decides to separate, there are various choices they can make about the way in which they do so. Normally, there are issues to be agreed over arrangements for the children and finance. Certainly as far as the finances are concerned, it is important to obtain legal advice. However that does not mean the couple has to become automatically locked into an adversarial court process.

The marriage or relationship may be over – but that does not mean that any decisions concerning this family should be automatically delegated to outsiders (lawyers and judges). The couple can still make good decisions for their future, usually with some expert help from outsiders. Just because the relationship has failed does not mean they are incapable of finding the best way forward for them and their children. The question for the couple is: ‘To what extent do we want to hand over decisions concerning our future to outsiders?’

Easter in the rain, how to have fun inside

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:19:08 +0000

Easter in the rain, how to have fun inside.

This morning I shall be banging on about making merry inside whilst the weather is so vile outside. Before I get you up to your elbows in cutting pasting and paper mache here are a couple of bigger thoughts for the weekend for you to mull on ……Weather you are with your children this holiday season or if they are away.
For some reason wet weather needs planning , probably because it makes most of us feel on the flat and mis side, but the consequence of this vibe spontaneous fun just happens less . We know this weekend is going to be a damp squib so you need to counteract that with a plan of campaign . Day 1 an outing, Day 2 friends or family over, Day 3 indoor capers (see below).

It is now time to focus on the future , why not think about some life coaching

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 13:19:47 +0000

It’s time to focus on you.

When was the last time you really focused on yourself? For so many of us, life has taken unexpected turns, events have overtaken us and though we’re managing to ‘get by’, we can’t remember a time when our focus was on ourselves. Sound familiar? Following whatever major change or upheaval you have experienced, maybe now you feel ready to move ahead with your life. You may feel that it is time to increase the positive influences around you, increase your social network or focus on new healthy relationships. Whatever the reason, it is time to focus on you.

How to Tell a Date That You've Got Children and Reduce the Chance of Them Running for the Hills!!

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 12:46:52 +0000

So you’ve reached the point where you’re ready to date again. You’re feeling good and start chatting to an attractive single member of the opposite sex. Suddenly a small repetitive sound starts in your head. Beginning as a whisper it quickly builds to a roar of “When do I mention the kids? When do I mention the kids? �?. Desperate to get rid of it, you ruin the flirtatious mood by almost shouting it out or by becoming so concerned about it you hardly dare say anything at all. The conversation dries up and you leave an impression of socially ineptitude or overwhelming single parenthood.

Susie's Story - her journey and the lessons she learnt on the way

Mon, 8 Jan 2007 11:15:30 +0000

My situation may be different from many as I made the conscience decision to bring up my son in a lone parent house hold. The woman leaving the man, I had to leave the family home, find elsewhere to live etc etc it was all very role reversal. There were no other people involved, it was based purely on the fact that I was deeply deeply unhappy and had to make a positive step to change where my life was heading. I knew my happiness would directly affect my son’s happiness and vise versa. What I found out during this transitional phase in my life and that is exactly what it was when I look back at it now, i morphed into what it was I needed to be and so changed the way i worked, thought, lived and acted to accommodate this new and sometimes overwhelming responsibility in life. I went through an incredibly dark period whilst on that journey and suffered with depression, very low self esteem and my confidence suffered for a while. But I did come out the other side, more positive, a little bruised maybe, a lot lot stronger and with a well balanced child who has two parents who love him dearly. I’m definitely wiser and of course the reason for it all, so much happier in life.

Collaborative law is not an easy option but it does offer reduced costs and more flexibility (article from The Times, 21/11/06)

Tue, 5 Dec 2006 13:46:16 +0000

Bringing harmony to divorce

Authors: James Stewart is a partner of Manches LLP and Charlotte Bradley a partner of Kingsley Napley. They were two of the first solicitors in this jurisdiction to train as collaborative lawyers

BREAKING up is never easy and, no matter how the breakdown arises, litigation over the terms of the separation will make things even more difficult. Sir Paul McCartney’s divorce from Lady McCartney demonstrates the most extreme example of an acrimonious break-up. However, the publicity obscures that, throughout the UK, family lawyers and separating couples are striving to reduce acrimony in divorce. Resolution, an organisation of almost 5,000 family solicitors, has actively sought to ensure that family law disputes are dealt with in a way designed to preserve people’s dignity and to encourage agreement. Resolution also encourages the use of dispute resolution methods other than litigation, such as mediation and collaborative law (www.resolution.org.uk).

A leaflet about mediation produced by Resolution, the Family Law Assoc

Tue, 5 Dec 2006 13:34:10 +0000

Helping couples to reach agreement - How mediation works when families split

Almost always, problems are best solved when people talk. But, sometimes, you need a helping hand.

When relationships break down emotions run high, and talking face-to-face can seem like the hardest thing to do. Sometimes, you need a hand to help get the talking started and focus on what really matters to you. That’s where mediation comes in.

Mediation is a process to help couples who have decided to separate or divorce to talk things through. Mediators are trained to help you reach agreement about how to make the best arrangements for the future. This may be about the way the children are cared for, or how finances will be organised.

Article from the Daily Mail Weekend magazine about us and our TV series!'

Mon, 4 Dec 2006 14:18:06 +0000

Kate and Emily are to struggling lone mums what Trinny and Susannah are to the sartorially challenged. As the pair star in a new TV series, JILL PARKIN hears how they give single mothers back their self-esteem

Kate Ford and Emily Abbott are both posh, hearty and stylish – few mothers manage to look as good as these two, even with a supporting cast of husband and two salaries. Their marriages went wrong, they made new lives for themselves and now they’re on a TV mission to do the same for others, like a Trinny and Susannah for lone mums.

‘We tell people things their friends wouldn’t say, because friends often back you up, agree that you’re a victim, and don’t help you to move on’ says 44-year-old Kate, a mother of two whose husband left her five years ago.

Family meetings can be a good way of getting a family to work together

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 10:50:52 +0000

The funny thing about family meetings is that although they sound ghastly they really can get the gang communicating better, improve talking and listening , help problem solve and more. So surely it has to be worth a go?

It may seem odd to apply a communication idea more closely associated with the boardroom, but there is no reason why families shouldn’t have meetings too. The very concept of a meeting smacks of the work place and although such comparisons feel inappropriate any team will work better if they have effective ways of communicating, rewards and consequences, goals and so on.

A contributor supporting the theory that it's best to date when your own house is in order

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 11:09:55 +0000

I chose to leave my son’s father who I’d been with for 5 years, as it was a destructive and negative environment, one which I couldn’t see improving, I borrowed some money and moved out, without any help from him. I began renting a house, increased the hours at my part time job and now I run my house, work part time and successfully look after my two-year-old son, who is a happy well-balanced child. This hard but worthwhile journey made me realise my hidden abilities and helped regain my sense of dignity.

When I became a single parent at 30, I lost my confidence and my self-esteem plummeted, leaving me feeling down trodden and old. It took a lot of time and positive energy to build myself this wonderful life I have now, which has in turn made me more determined not to enter into another relationship without getting to know someone first. I cherish and adore my son so his security and stability will ALWAYS come first. Although I know my happiness is important too, but I am happy and that’s the best thing about the whole situation.

Get yourself prepared for Christmas by reading our top tips

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 10:49:52 +0000

Do you dread the Christmas conversation that seems to start the minute the summer ends? It always seems to start off as a bit of a joke, but turns into a serious question frighteningly quickly.

For many people the whole festive season can be problematic beyond belief. The dream of a happy family supported by perfect images grinning out from the adverts, coupled with selective memories from our own childhood, can make a horrible mix. Especially when combined with the guilt that our children may not be experiencing the magic, but instead shattered dreams and painful reminders of last year or the past.

Details of programmes shown 4th - 8th September

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 20:48:19 +0000

MONDAY 4TH - BETTINA
Mum of two Bettina battles to deal with her work concerns and is baffled when her kids call her 'stressy'. Professional advice is warmly received.

TUESDAY 5TH - ROSE
Rose needs to move on and start concentrating on herself as well as her daughters. Kate and Emily arrange a personal trainer to whip her into shape

WEDNESDAY 6TH - BIRGIT
An amazing story of riches to rags, Birgit once lived the high life but now struggles to survive. Can a life coach stop her dwelling on the past?

THURSDAY 7TH - VICKI
Today, Kate and Emily help Vicki face the inevitability of her nine-year-old son Dylan starting to ask questions about his estranged father.

Contact Information for the People who Helped us on Single Mums SOS

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 20:23:54 +0000

Pure Beauty, helped Heli unwind in Single Mums SOS
Following the positive feedback Heli Roberts gave on your new TV series Single Mums SOS with Kate & Emily and the benefit she got from her massage and general pamper with Pure Beauty I thought it might beneft other mums in similar situations and who would like to spend more time on themselves to know where to find me. As Heli realised I can offer a totally calm, quiet relaxed environment to unwind and recharge away from the stresses of everyday life and children.

I know you advise alot of your mums to do as Heli did and allow themselves time and relaxation so I imagine it would be good to be able to offer a place which has been tried and tested and recommended by one of your previous mums. My dermalogica treatments are to the standard of all top salons but as I have fewer overheads they can be offered at a much more reasonable price. Price is often, along with time constraints, one of the main reasons I find mums won't invest in themselves. I can be contacted on purebeautymail@yahoo.co.uk

How to revert back to your maiden name - it's not as straightforward as you'd think

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 12:12:03 +0000

Dear Kate & Emily,

I want to change everything back to my maiden name, I don't want to have anything in my married name at all as that all now feels like history, and an old life. It’s time to get back to being me - plain old Jane Dubowzigernustbust. How on earth do I go about it? Any tips?

Many thanks,

Jane Smith (nee Dubowzigernustbust)

Dear Jane,

Just like you, many women want to revert back to their maiden name. This can be accomplished in one of two ways: by Deed Poll, or by using your decree absolute and marriage certificate. It is sometimes possible for a divorced woman to revert to her maiden name without the need for a Deed Poll if her decree absolute certificate and marriage certificate (which shows her maiden name) are accepted as documentary evidence of her change of name. Upon presentation of these certificates most government departments, and many companies and organisations, will change their records to show the woman's maiden name. However, some companies and organisations will not accept a decree absolute, in particular the financial institutions such as banks and building societies. So, my top tip is to get it covered NOW and go for the deed poll. It’s quick and easy to do by going to the country’s biggest and best www.deedpoll.org