Do you dread the Christmas conversation that seems to start the minute the summer ends? It always seems to start off as a bit of a joke, but turns into a serious question frighteningly quickly.

For many people the whole festive season can be problematic beyond belief. The dream of a happy family supported by perfect images grinning out from the adverts, coupled with selective memories from our own childhood, can make a horrible mix. Especially when combined with the guilt that our children may not be experiencing the magic, but instead shattered dreams and painful reminders of last year or the past.

Co-parenting

I think in our heart of hearts, whoever did what to whom, when, why or where, we all know that in order for the children to grow into well rounded adults it is a good idea for them to have a relationship with both mother and father. As the adults we have to encourage, make and force it to happen.

This section of the site is aimed at creating a workable plan for both parents to buy into so that this can be achieved.

HERE'S SOME CLAPTRAP:

This form is for you and your co-parent to fill in. Be honest with your answers, nothing is gained from secrecy or leaving things unsaid. Once you have both filled it in you need to go through them together and combine those areas that you can agree on, and compromise on the ones you don’t.

YOUR PARENTING OBJECTIVES

Q1 Write down how you would describe what your objectives are as a parent. What are they in the long term? And what are your immediate parenting objectives for this coming year?

My long-term parenting objectives are ......

For the year they are......

Establishing a Code of Conduct with your ex means that rules have been established which will avoid inconsistancy, misunderstanding and hitting each others nuclear button! However, even if your ex dosn't want to play ball and talk about a Code fo Conduct, write your own and lead from the front. Your behaviour will influence the way your ex behaves and ensure that you keep your pride intact and don't end up feeling humiliated by your own poor performance.

Here are some prompts to help you write your own Code of Conduct.

Q1 How do you and your ex communicate with each other best? Get the most effective, user-friendly and workable channel up and running.

• Yeah but no but Yeah but no ………YES YOU CAN CAN
• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? kick start that brain in to action now
• Honesty is the best policy, just thinks of the benefits: if you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything!!

I think in our heart of hearts, whoever did what to whom, when, why or where, we all know that in order for the children to grow into well rounded adults it is a good idea for them to have a relationship with both mother and father. As the adults, we have to encourage and make it happen. This section of the site is aimed at creating a workable plan for both parents to buy-in to so that this can be achieved. Things along the lines of ‘If we were able to do this we would not have split up’ etc are claptrap. The truth is that your child is 50% you 50% their other parent there is nothing that will ever alter this. By not doing your best to let the children have some understanding, relationship, love etc of both halves you are likely to undermine the view they have of themselves. However, we know co-parenting’s not an easy thing to do and at times you may find it impossible, but It will be worth it in the end and you can make such a big difference. Just do it!