Kate & Emily - Co-Parenting

Get yourself prepared for Christmas by reading our top tips

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 10:49:52 +0000

Do you dread the Christmas conversation that seems to start the minute the summer ends? It always seems to start off as a bit of a joke, but turns into a serious question frighteningly quickly.

For many people the whole festive season can be problematic beyond belief. The dream of a happy family supported by perfect images grinning out from the adverts, coupled with selective memories from our own childhood, can make a horrible mix. Especially when combined with the guilt that our children may not be experiencing the magic, but instead shattered dreams and painful reminders of last year or the past.

Mums and Dads if you do only one thing READ THIS, it may make sense of what co parenting actually is

Sun, 4 Jun 2006 21:19:55 +0000

Co-parenting

This section of the site is aimed at creating a workable plan for both parents to buy into so that this can be achieved.

HERE'S SOME CLAPTRAP:

If we can’t function as a couple we can’t do this

If we were able to do this we would not have split up

When my spouse left they gave up the right to be part of this family

KATE & EMILY CO-PARENTING FORM

Mon, 22 May 2006 13:29:40 +0000

This form is for you and your co-parent to fill in. Be honest with your answers, nothing is gained from secrecy or leaving things unsaid. Once you have both filled it in you need to go through them together and combine those areas that you can agree on, and compromise on the ones you don’t.

YOUR PARENTING OBJECTIVES

Q1 Write down how you would describe what your objectives are as a parent. What are they in the long term? And what are your immediate parenting objectives for this coming year?

My long-term parenting objectives are ......

For the year they are......

Working out a co-parenting Code of Conduct

Mon, 22 May 2006 13:17:12 +0000

Establishing a Code of Conduct with your ex means that rules have been established which will avoid inconsistancy, misunderstanding and hitting each others nuclear button! However, even if your ex dosn't want to play ball and talk about a Code fo Conduct, write your own and lead from the front. Your behaviour will influence the way your ex behaves and ensure that you keep your pride intact and don't end up feeling humiliated by your own poor performance.

Here are some prompts to help you write your own Code of Conduct.

Q1 How do you and your ex communicate with each other best? Get the most effective, user-friendly and workable channel up and running.

Co-Parenting

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 21:25:42 +0000

Yeah but no but Yeah but no ………YES YOU CAN CAN
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? kick start that brain in to action now
Honesty is the best policy, just thinks of the benefits: if you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything!!

I think in our heart of hearts, whoever did what to whom, when, why or where, we all know that in order for the children to grow into well rounded adults it is a good idea for them to have a relationship with both mother and father. As the adults, we have to encourage and make it happen. This section of the site is aimed at creating a workable plan for both parents to buy-in to so that this can be achieved. Things along the lines of ‘If we were able to do this we would not have split up’ etc are claptrap. The truth is that your child is 50% you 50% their other parent there is nothing that will ever alter this. By not doing your best to let the children have some understanding, relationship, love etc of both halves you are likely to undermine the view they have of themselves. However, we know co-parenting’s not an easy thing to do and at times you may find it impossible, but It will be worth it in the end and you can make such a big difference. Just do it!

Articles:

Worksheets:

Why is This so Hard to Put Into Practice?

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 15:29:13 +0000

Here we help you to overcome some of the hurdles to putting this into practice. We know it takes a mammoth effort, and smacks of being far to good to be true. It’s not though, you can have a relationship with your ex that is far from functioning and still get something useful out of doing this’

IDENTIFY PROBLEMS
Clearly what we have explained so far is not rocket science. Hopefully by explaining the rationale behind the thought and showing very clear pay offs for you and your children we have made it something you would like to work towards.

But we have heard time and time again….

Visits are important top tips for improving visits and helping them to work

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 15:23:51 +0000

Organise a schedule of who’s going where way in advance and put it up for all to see.

Plan your visits.

Make visits meaningful, with time for parent and children to be alone together to talk etc..

Make sure that visits are not all about entertaining them but about being a parent too e.g. do homework and, for example, as they get older let them bring a friend.

Talk about your child’s life with the other parent, but beware of crossing the line between healthy interest and cross-examination!

Spend some time at hand-over with the other parent to ease transition, preferably to discuss accomplishments or worries that you can both share or work on. If it's still very hard then have another adult present to make sure that everyone behaves like grown-ups and to reduce the tension.

How Parents Treat Each Other

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 15:21:10 +0000

Children love their Mum and Dad, so look at the relationships from their perspective. It really doesn’t matter who did what to whom.

The adjustment of the parents and how they treat each other are amongst the most important factors in how children experience divorce.

The benefits to the children of developing a good co-operative relationship with their other parent can be enormous and the negative effects of not behaving in a civil way far-reaching.

At some level work towards mending or reforming your relationship with the other parent. Remember it is it is vital for fostering good practise at home and for parenting your children.

Using Children as Weapons

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 15:17:36 +0000

Come on where's your pride? We all knwo this is a horrid, low and destructive way to behave. It's hard not to, so reading this might just give elp you to get a grip of your moral fibre and rise above such skullduggery (if that's how you spell it?!)

HOW CHILDREN ARE USED AS AMMUNITION

Hijacking their important events

Training them to take sides

Putting them in the middle

Using them as a confidant

Burdening them with adult problems

Exposing them to conflict

Taking away the carefree, innocence that children have a right to

WHY DOES IT HAPPEN?

To demonstrate the negative consequence of action you don’t like

Even the lovely India Knight has a great perspective on co parenting

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 10:02:51 +0000

India Knight now there is a lady I would like to be friends with her book on shopping is stuffed full of retail morsels. However, I first got to know her when reading the amazingly poignant though deeply distressing book by Ruth Picardie “ Before I say goodbye�? Am loathe to recommend this book as the last person I did stayed up all night reading it weeping and most certainly did not thank me for the experience. Anyhow India and Ruth were friends and by the time I had finished the book I believed that she was my friend too. The wheels came off India’s bus and she separated from her husband with 2 small children and then wrote the very very funny life on a plate which I most certainly would recommend followed by her single parent themed offering Don’t you want me?