Kate & Emily - Dating

How to Tell a Date That You've Got Children and Reduce the Chance of Them Running for the Hills!!

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 12:46:52 +0000

So you’ve reached the point where you’re ready to date again. You’re feeling good and start chatting to an attractive single member of the opposite sex. Suddenly a small repetitive sound starts in your head. Beginning as a whisper it quickly builds to a roar of “When do I mention the kids? When do I mention the kids? �?. Desperate to get rid of it, you ruin the flirtatious mood by almost shouting it out or by becoming so concerned about it you hardly dare say anything at all. The conversation dries up and you leave an impression of socially ineptitude or overwhelming single parenthood.

A contributor supporting the theory that it's best to date when your own house is in order

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 11:09:55 +0000

I chose to leave my son’s father who I’d been with for 5 years, as it was a destructive and negative environment, one which I couldn’t see improving, I borrowed some money and moved out, without any help from him. I began renting a house, increased the hours at my part time job and now I run my house, work part time and successfully look after my two-year-old son, who is a happy well-balanced child. This hard but worthwhile journey made me realise my hidden abilities and helped regain my sense of dignity.

When I became a single parent at 30, I lost my confidence and my self-esteem plummeted, leaving me feeling down trodden and old. It took a lot of time and positive energy to build myself this wonderful life I have now, which has in turn made me more determined not to enter into another relationship without getting to know someone first. I cherish and adore my son so his security and stability will ALWAYS come first. Although I know my happiness is important too, but I am happy and that’s the best thing about the whole situation.

The Boulder Theory (or in other words the numbers game)

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 20:29:50 +0000

There’s this theory I came across called the Boulder Theory. It sounds very plonky to start with, but I promise you it’ll make sense and grow on you. However, I’m afraid that to understand it you need to start by imagining your romantic life is a mountain: you’ve got steep slopes, rivers, hillocks, crevices, etc; imagine it all! So far so good. The next bit I’m a bit less sure about as I don’t quite get the rationale but just bear with it, accept it, and we can move on to the crux of the theory....

To be a successful love-mountain you need to get as many boulders rolling down your slopes as possible so that they reach the bottom and happily pile up. Now these boulders are really OPPORTUNITIES for romance - clever! So a boulder could be a date, an evening out, going to the golf club, standing at the end of the platform with the train spotters, or parked up outside public lavatories. Now, the more opportunities you have (or boulders rolling down your sides) the more likely you are to build up nice piles at your bottom, and bag yourself a good looking boulder with a GSOH.

Dating

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 21:13:29 +0000

Get out there, for in the words of a Romanian proverb 'where there are no swamps there are no frogs', and I couldn’t agree more
The easiest way to find something is to buy a replacement………know what I mean???
Keep safe on the dating scene, and whatever you do never test the depth of the water with both feet

So you feel ready to get back into the dating arena! Do make sure you are ready for this, have a go at a few of the worksheets, which may clarify what you are after etc. We believe that once you have set this as a goal and mission then you need to attack the issue as many ways as you can: as we say ‘chuck as many balls in the air as possible…!’ Let your friends know that you are happy to be set up, have a look at a few internet sites, peruse the small ads of your preferred newspaper or mag, ask friends over, socialise like fury and think about speed dating. This will all serve to limber you up, get your antennae working, and get you back in the swing. Think about how and when you will deal with your children and dating implications. Treat it like a project, but once you have set a strategy get out there and just have fun. Remember - nobody wants to be around a desperate, bitter person so have some fun and good luck!

Articles:

Worksheets:

Dating Why & Where Worksheet

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 16:00:29 +0000

OK, before leaping into the dating game a little preparation’s required…..

First work out honestly why you’re doing it?

Take yourself back to basics and ask yourself ‘Am I doing this for all the wrong reasons? By wrong reasons I mean a knee-jerk reaction, on the re-bound and filling a gap. At the risk of sounding very touchy-feely – you need to sort yourself out and be happy in your own skin and with your own life before embarking on the dating game (are you?)

What do you want to get out of it?

Dating isn’t the be all and end all, or the only answer to loneliness, upset etc.. Make sure you know exactly what you want dating to do for you, and why you need it. Does it need to be fun, serious, adventure, lustful etc.? Then you’ll be better able to think through this bit….

The First Date Worksheet

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 15:59:03 +0000

Now to tackle the first time you meet, talk or write to your date. You need to think about this stage.

What are your rules going to be? Will you meet up with…

all of them?
only someone who ticks all the boxes?
Someone if they sound or look right?

These rules sound silly, but it’s important to be firm on them as a potential date can be very persuasive! Know your own mind first before you get in touch with them.

Write your rules down.

THE FIRST DATE

Then there’s arranging to meet up. We all know the sensible safety advice: make sure it’s busy and your friends know where you are. Make sure it’s somewhere you can easily get home from alone – you’re not relying on them giving you a lift.

Speed Dating - read a personal account of a night on the tiles

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 15:57:41 +0000

Bit of a dress code dilemma – no jeans allowed – according to the online dating tips I am meant to wear peach to compliment my skin tones (isn’t that a bit 80’s bridesmaid?). Here I am standing alone in the middle of the room, as advised by dating tip number two, nervously downing a gin and tonic, head to toe in black, more the widow at a funeral than a divorcee on the pull.

I am woman number 4 at a speed dating event in a Mayfair wine bar. Man number 4 comes to sit opposite me –and we’re off …’What do you do? Where do you live? Is this is your first time’. The conversation gets a bit more exciting just in time for the three minute bell to ring signaling the men to shift to the next number up the line.

Selling Yourself & Knowing Your Dreamboat Worksheet

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 15:55:58 +0000

If you’ve decided to write an ad or need to fill in an application form then there are a few things to think about when you word it…

What do you want people who read the ad to think of you? Do you want them to know that you’re….
mother / divorcee / widow / single / professional
loud / quiet / funny / chatty / irritating
Embarrassing when drunk / never drink / smoke like a trooper
Short / fat / skinny / blue eyed / red head

Write a description of how you want to come across

Whatever the message you want people to get out of the ad don’t forget that warts and all isn’t an ad (very few people would contact someone who admits to having 5 children, all of whom have serious behavioural ‘issues’). Keep warts and all to yourself until your Mr / Miss Right is ready to take this sort of information on board! Everyone else is advertising, so you should too

Dating Top Tips

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 15:51:54 +0000

Time to dive into the dating game? Feeling rusty and in need of the odd pointer? Here are tips we’ve gleaned from all over the place, we’ve filtered out the ones we wouldn’t dare do (like go on a course to help us attract the perfect partner!!) so here are the ones that we would do, or just made us smile (wait for the bathroom top tip…)

ON INTERNET DATING:

Sell yourself; make the most of your best attributes (eg have grade 2 in the piano)

Be specific about the type of date you’re after (eg must have more than one hobby / topic of conversation)

Look for honesty in the replies, question them on any areas you’d like to make sure of (eg they really aren’t married)

Dating - The Children's Pespective

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 15:48:41 +0000

I have no doubt that at some point in the future we all imagine having a decent boyfriend / girlfriend. Getting there is not without its pitfalls, particularly as we all come with children. Therefore to ensure future success I’d like to look at new relationships that we’ll have purely from the way we manage them with our children.

PREPARATION
Settle down in a favourite spot: on a sofa, deckchair, park bench, train, pub etc with pen, paper and enough time not to feel in a hurry, or to allow you the excuse not to mull things over properly (which is why we’ve called them ‘Things to Mull Over’).