]> http://www.kateandemily.com/taxonomy/term/22,18/0 en http://www.kateandemily.com/node/196 <p>The funny thing about family meetings is that although they sound ghastly they really can get the gang communicating better, improve talking and listening , help problem solve and more. So surely it has to be worth a go?</p> <p>It may seem odd to apply a communication idea more closely associated with the boardroom, but there is no reason why families shouldn’t have meetings too. The very concept of a meeting smacks of the work place and although such comparisons feel inappropriate any team will work better if they have effective ways of communicating, rewards and consequences, goals and so on.</p> Articles New Relationships & Families Thu, 30 Nov 2006 10:50:52 +0000 http://www.kateandemily.com/node/192 <p>Do you dread the Christmas conversation that seems to start the minute the summer ends? It always seems to start off as a bit of a joke, but turns into a serious question frighteningly quickly. </p> <p>For many people the whole festive season can be problematic beyond belief. The dream of a happy family supported by perfect images grinning out from the adverts, coupled with selective memories from our own childhood, can make a horrible mix. Especially when combined with the guilt that our children may not be experiencing the magic, but instead shattered dreams and painful reminders of last year or the past.</p> Articles New Relationships & Families Co-Parenting The Children Tue, 14 Nov 2006 10:49:52 +0000 http://www.kateandemily.com/node/102 <p>You take on new children, but you also take on an ex-spouse. How have others managed these grown-up relationships? Read on….</p> <p>‘When you marry a man who has been married before – and there’s children involved from that marriage, his first wife’s never going to go away. I reconciled myself to that fact very early on in our relationship. One of the most difficult areas to navigate with regards to divorce has got to be the social fall-out that happens afterwards. We do still see some people who are friends with his ex-wife too. Then there are certain boundaries that need to be built and which you don’t go beyond. I’ll only talk about things that his ex knows about – I don’t want them to feel compromised next time they’re with her.’</p> Articles New Relationships & Families Mon, 22 May 2006 12:55:48 +0000 http://www.kateandemily.com/node/59 <li>Pick your time - make sure no-one's tired, hungry, in a rush to do something else etc. <li>keep it simple and straightforward - be prepared <li>Tell them with your girlfriend / boyfriend, but you do the talking. Think how you sit together - not so it's you 2 opposite the children (i.e. a them and us situation) <li>Alternatively you tell the children and bring your girlfriend / boyfriend into the conversation at the end (I’ve know both with and without partner to work) <li>Expect the worse reaction - allow them to react as they need / want. <li>Tell them what's happening - you're not asking for their permission. It IS going to happen<br /> Articles New Relationships & Families Sat, 25 Feb 2006 16:35:50 +0000 http://www.kateandemily.com/node/58 <li>Talk about new partners positively with children, even before you have one <li>Stop bed sharing – make sure that your privacy (and the children’s) is respected before someone else comes into your bed and could be seen as ‘throwing out / replacing’ your child. <li>Mention x in conversation, then a meeting - keep it short, eg a half hour trip to the park <li>Demonstrate your willingness to listen to, and consider, your child’s concerns – even if you ultimately don’t agree – sends your child the message that nothing, and no-one, can come between the 2 of you. <li>When a child is hostile to someone new – try to find out why. Ask questions that will enable them to describe what it is they’re uncomfortable with.<br /> Articles New Relationships & Families Sat, 25 Feb 2006 16:31:46 +0000 http://www.kateandemily.com/node/57 <p>It’s common knowledge that becoming a stepparent can be tricky. Part of this must be unrealistic expectations. Even the name step PARENT comes with connotations of closeness and love for your stepchildren that may pass you by completely. It’s not hard to imagine the massive irritation caused by the sprogs playing up, ruin your evening with your hero or heroine, making numerous irritating demands on your lovely lady / man, or even by them getting up at 6am and ruining any early morning love-in!</p> <p>However, I speak from a complete lack of experience in this area. I can only assume that it feels something like it did when you get married and a whole raft of in-laws arrive, and you become a family member, without feeling like it’s your family at all. It’s a closeness that feels very unnatural to start with as there’s no history of growing up together, no comfort in knowing that you can say or do what the hell you like and they’ll still think the sun shines out of your bottom! It must be odd for the in-laws too as having a new family member means they have to juggle things around, treat you as they do the rest but without really knowing you. It’s time that builds the bond between you and your in-laws. I didn’t rush that relationship thinking that we had to love each other madly otherwise we weren’t a functioning family, being friends was enough. In fact it’s more than enough and in time it became real affection. I suppose that’s the approach I’ll take to either introducing a step-father or becoming a step-mother: chill, enjoy friendship and don’t expect to become a mother or father (just as you don’t expect to become a real daughter or sister to your in-laws). This sounds all terribly wise and sensible – I clearly can’t take full credit for this advice… I’ve been reading and listening to step-parents who’ve actually done it and it’s pretty much the advice they pass on.</p> Articles New Relationships & Families Sat, 25 Feb 2006 16:22:04 +0000 http://www.kateandemily.com/node/56 <p>Who knows who finds the ex re-marrying hardest. Some say the children as it marks the end of their dream of parents getting back together. Others think it’s harder for the ex ‘left behind’ and still single. Others say it’s worse for the parent not getting married as they have to make it as OK for the children as possible and play the game by behaving beautifully. </p> <p>PLAYING THE GAME<br /> What’s playing the game? It’s being incredibly decent and happy for the new couple: congratulating them, asking them nice simple questions about the day, offering help getting the children ready etc.. It’s easiest to think of the right way to be as behaving as if they were a couple of your friends getting married (not best pals, more friends of friends as throwing your arms around them with tears of joy running down your cheeks is a little OTT!). But playing the game like this is easier said than done as they’re NOT just a couple of people you know socially: you have a history and you have got to some sort of mutual agreement (whether spoken or not) about how you operate as separated parents. You might not operate particularly well, but usually the boyfriend / girlfriend takes a back seat and any conversations (or shouting matches) are between just you and your ex with girlfriend / boyfriend in the wings. It feels to many that as soon as the ex and new partner have a baby, or get married, that that this balance shifts with the boyfriend / girlfriend now up-graded and cheek to cheek with your ex. It’s this that brings on the feeling of you (and the children if they live with you) being knocked down the pecking order as it feels like 2 against 1, couple against singleton or old family against new family). Perhaps it’s not even a feeling, more a sense of foreboding or impending doom. Perhaps it’s all in your head and not based on any hard facts. Whatever, you’ll feel it. Recognise it, don’t let it take a hold or get out of control. Reign it in and mark your territory.</p> Articles New Relationships & Families Sat, 25 Feb 2006 16:21:03 +0000