Relationship Breakdown ~ what are the options?

This was written for us by Helen Adam of Family Mediation in Wandsworth (020 3087 2836)

When a couple decides to separate, there are various choices they can make about the way in which they do so. Normally, there are issues to be agreed over arrangements for the children and finance. Certainly as far as the finances are concerned, it is important to obtain legal advice. However that does not mean the couple has to become automatically locked into an adversarial court process.

The marriage or relationship may be over – but that does not mean that any decisions concerning this family should be automatically delegated to outsiders (lawyers and judges). The couple can still make good decisions for their future, usually with some expert help from outsiders. Just because the relationship has failed does not mean they are incapable of finding the best way forward for them and their children. The question for the couple is: ‘To what extent do we want to hand over decisions concerning our future to outsiders?’

This article has been written for us by Sarah Budibent, a solicitor specialising in probate law.

Making a Will does not sound like fun, so it can easily end up being another job to put off for another day, like filling in your tax return and checking up on your pension.

Yet, most people would say that what happens to their family or their property after their death is hugely important to them and, without a Will, decisions about who will inherit and how much will be made according to fixed rules of law. The result may be far from what they would have wished or intended.

If you make a Will, you can decide exactly what you want done with your property after your death; you appoint personal representatives to carry out your wishes and guardians for your children; you can express wishes about the disposal of your body and you may also be able to save your beneficiaries from paying unnecessary tax.

I'm Lizzy Tomlin and have over 10 years experience in the recruitment industry. I've written some guidlelines below to help you revise your CV and see ways of making it into something that sells you, and does you justice. Read on....

Returning back to work after a break is a daunting experience. I know my worries were: will I still look trendy? Will I understand the office talk, what will the workplace look like? will I understand all the new technology and will my colleagues take me seriously? I, like many, suffered from a total lack in confidence.

At this stage I think it is important to say that working is a doddle compared to bringing up a young family. If I was to write a 'person specification' for a stay at home parent I would find no candidate who could conceivably be all those things that we are: good communicators, problem solvers, jugglers, teachers and trainers, counsellors, negotiators, financial planners and of course possessing fantastic time management skills and never crumbling under pressure (especially if there is a large glass of wine to hand!). So, before we begin our return to work it may be worth writing down what our experiences have taught us and how we can turn these experiences and personal qualities into transferable skills that would make our prospective employer put our cv to the top of the pile.

However good someone’s skill fit is to a prospective employer if they can't work as a team, and lack social and life skills they won't get the job. Most employers are interested in who we are as people and not just what we do. It is easier to teach someone IT skills than all those life skills we have acquired and fine tuned since children. Without being too complacent though I would recommend refreshing IT skills so you feel confident sending and receiving emails, using the internet and Word.

Writing your cv is the most important process to securing your interview. A cv, like a person, is judged within the first 5 seconds. It is worth spending some time making your cv do you justice. The layout should be clear, modern, professional and straightforward. Don’t try and be clever with different fonts and flowery language you will be binned. Here is a list of do’s and don’ts:

1. Keep you cv to two pages
2. Do your cv in reverse chronological order. The recruiter will want to quickly find the most relevant part of your cv which is normally your last full time job.
3. Don’t leave any gaps (or make sure you explain them)
4. Be really careful with spelling or grammar, poor spelling and grammar can loose you the interview.
5. Make sure your cv is relevant to the job you are applying for. If you are applying for a PA position and your last position was a film producer play it down and draw on the similarities of the two roles.
6. Remember transferable skills that you have gained during your break and try and fit them in your cv.
7. Don’t go back too far. You will run out of space and there is little relevance including your time as an office junior or a roll and relish girl on a gap year!! (Emily!)

Layout of CV
Here is a format I think that works and is modern and professional:

Curriculum Vitae
Lizzy Tomlin
Address
Tel, Mobile and Email

This is a ‘scene-setting’ mission, somewhat akin to ‘planning to’ take up keep fit, i.e. going out to get the shoes and leisure wear, without actually getting sweaty in it!

Yes the first step of a financial work out requires very little effort and is more of a fact-finding mission. However, by the end of the first step you will have a good idea about what you need to do to tackle your own personal situation and will be ready for the other worksheets.

YOU WILL NEED:

We all want to be richer than we are. For some it’s a bit more urgent than others. If you’re an urgent case then you use this worksheet to help you work out what you’re options are. If you’re a less urgent case, and just dream of a diamond encrusted door knob, then use this worksheet to see if you’ve overlooked a nest egg or can come up with a cunning wheeze to get one…

Draw a grid with 5 columns. This is what they’re for: