Kate & Emily - Articles, You

It is now time to focus on the future , why not think about some life coaching

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 13:19:47 +0000

It’s time to focus on you.

When was the last time you really focused on yourself? For so many of us, life has taken unexpected turns, events have overtaken us and though we’re managing to ‘get by’, we can’t remember a time when our focus was on ourselves. Sound familiar? Following whatever major change or upheaval you have experienced, maybe now you feel ready to move ahead with your life. You may feel that it is time to increase the positive influences around you, increase your social network or focus on new healthy relationships. Whatever the reason, it is time to focus on you.

Susie's Story - her journey and the lessons she learnt on the way

Mon, 8 Jan 2007 11:15:30 +0000

My situation may be different from many as I made the conscience decision to bring up my son in a lone parent house hold. The woman leaving the man, I had to leave the family home, find elsewhere to live etc etc it was all very role reversal. There were no other people involved, it was based purely on the fact that I was deeply deeply unhappy and had to make a positive step to change where my life was heading. I knew my happiness would directly affect my son’s happiness and vise versa. What I found out during this transitional phase in my life and that is exactly what it was when I look back at it now, i morphed into what it was I needed to be and so changed the way i worked, thought, lived and acted to accommodate this new and sometimes overwhelming responsibility in life. I went through an incredibly dark period whilst on that journey and suffered with depression, very low self esteem and my confidence suffered for a while. But I did come out the other side, more positive, a little bruised maybe, a lot lot stronger and with a well balanced child who has two parents who love him dearly. I’m definitely wiser and of course the reason for it all, so much happier in life.

Collaborative law is not an easy option but it does offer reduced costs and more flexibility (article from The Times, 21/11/06)

Tue, 5 Dec 2006 13:46:16 +0000

Bringing harmony to divorce

Authors: James Stewart is a partner of Manches LLP and Charlotte Bradley a partner of Kingsley Napley. They were two of the first solicitors in this jurisdiction to train as collaborative lawyers

BREAKING up is never easy and, no matter how the breakdown arises, litigation over the terms of the separation will make things even more difficult. Sir Paul McCartney’s divorce from Lady McCartney demonstrates the most extreme example of an acrimonious break-up. However, the publicity obscures that, throughout the UK, family lawyers and separating couples are striving to reduce acrimony in divorce. Resolution, an organisation of almost 5,000 family solicitors, has actively sought to ensure that family law disputes are dealt with in a way designed to preserve people’s dignity and to encourage agreement. Resolution also encourages the use of dispute resolution methods other than litigation, such as mediation and collaborative law (www.resolution.org.uk).

How to revert back to your maiden name - it's not as straightforward as you'd think

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 12:12:03 +0000

Dear Kate & Emily,

I want to change everything back to my maiden name, I don't want to have anything in my married name at all as that all now feels like history, and an old life. It’s time to get back to being me - plain old Jane Dubowzigernustbust. How on earth do I go about it? Any tips?

Many thanks,

Jane Smith (nee Dubowzigernustbust)

Dear Jane,

Just like you, many women want to revert back to their maiden name. This can be accomplished in one of two ways: by Deed Poll, or by using your decree absolute and marriage certificate. It is sometimes possible for a divorced woman to revert to her maiden name without the need for a Deed Poll if her decree absolute certificate and marriage certificate (which shows her maiden name) are accepted as documentary evidence of her change of name. Upon presentation of these certificates most government departments, and many companies and organisations, will change their records to show the woman's maiden name. However, some companies and organisations will not accept a decree absolute, in particular the financial institutions such as banks and building societies. So, my top tip is to get it covered NOW and go for the deed poll. It’s quick and easy to do by going to the country’s biggest and best www.deedpoll.org

Why you Should Make a Will

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 12:02:40 +0000

This article has been written for us by Sarah Budibent, a solicitor specialising in probate law.

Making a Will does not sound like fun, so it can easily end up being another job to put off for another day, like filling in your tax return and checking up on your pension.

Yet, most people would say that what happens to their family or their property after their death is hugely important to them and, without a Will, decisions about who will inherit and how much will be made according to fixed rules of law. The result may be far from what they would have wished or intended.

If you make a Will, you can decide exactly what you want done with your property after your death; you appoint personal representatives to carry out your wishes and guardians for your children; you can express wishes about the disposal of your body and you may also be able to save your beneficiaries from paying unnecessary tax.

Links, Services & Products

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 16:38:11 +0000

Here are some Links to sites, services and products that you might find useful, helpful and entertaining! Nothing's here without one or other of us having used it ourselves, visited it or been recommended - scroll away there's quite a few goodies, will raise a smile at the odd selection if nothing else!!

Here's a magazine called OneUp we've found that's just for single parents and step parents. You can subscribe to an online version Definately worth a look!

Here's a service you'll need if you want to go back to your maiden name Change Your Name By Deed Poll - Deed poll legal have been changing names for 10 years. If you need to change your name or your child's name then we can help. Our expert advice and knowledge will guide you through the process of changing your name. Our low cost deed poll's are accepted by all the relevant agencies and organisations. We are the name change experts.

Divorce Support Group runs small groups of 6 people who meet each week to share their experiences with each other and help each other through it. Many people find it a life line and look forward each week to coming to a place where they will be understood and helped. More often than not, the group members become friends outside the group once the sessions are over. If you are interested in joining a group, click here to link to Divorce Support Group

Family Mediation in Wandsworth is a firm of SW London based mediators who are trained to help you and your ex come to agreement about the terms of your divorce. Email: mediation@adamfam.co.uk Tel: 020 3087 2836

Here's a new link for you - The White Company is a favourite of ours, all lovely to look at and they've got a sale on!!

But then a good night in is always welcome.... The idea for a link to Lovefilm.com came from my ex who swears by it for him,a nd for fun searhcing, ordering and then watching when he has the children

Don't EVER let it be said that we'll stand between a wine lover and a bargain....!!!! Visit Oddbins and see what they've got in the tipple department..

They say you have to kiss alot of frogs..... Might as well start getting through them here at singleparentmatch.com!!! This site's huge and has in its favour the fact that it's full of single peopel that won;t be freaked when they hear you have children!!!

SingleParentMatch.com - the best dating site for single parents!

armchair advice provides advice, information, support and resources for people who are experiencing relationship problems or marriage breakdown.

As for the nice man at Halfords who fitted my brake lights for a few quid in about 2 minutes without making a fuss - what a saviour for a 'young' lady with no strong man to ask to do it - they're doing loads of practical stuff now like fitting, adjusting and getting rid of scratches - all v reasonable and highly recommended by me....

Divorceaid Is an independent group of professionals who volunteer their time to help you. The site has articles, 24 hour helplines, divorce solicitors, a section for children, a website for teenagers, experts and books.

The Avon lady goes on-line! Avon has absolutely shedloads of stuff and special offers. Have a look, and think about becoming a rep. I know people who make a living out of it, and others who do it for a bit of extra...

If you're ready to jet off somewhere may I recommend GO Travel Insurance that I used for going to France last year for the children and me as being amazingly straightforward to do (spoke to no-one trying to sell me more) and v cheap (cheap enought o make someone who usulaly assumes that the worst WON'T happen to buy travel insurance!! happy Holidays!!

And if money's tight, but a family holiday, or an adventure with friends is what's needed then look what we've found - a site that has youth hostel type accomodation to stay in around the world, including the UK for the odd hearty weekend??? BOOK IT!!!

Collaborative Family Law GroupA new way to resolve divorce and family disputes with dignity and respect. Divorce takes an immense toll. Time, emotions and financial resources are often sacrificed. There is another way, a less adversarial, more solution-oriented alternative. It is collaborative family law.

Resolution Resolution which was formerly known as The Family Law Association is an organisation of 4,700 lawyers and family justice professionals who believe in a constructive, non confrontational approach to family law matters. Resolution also seeks to improve the family justice system.

My best friend (don't tell Kate) got fantastic bikinis from Figleaves and looked marv in her holiday snaps! Undies too, just in case one gets run over by a bus and wants to look decent for the doctors!!!!

Single Parent Dating - Kids No Object, the largest UK introduction agency for single parents and all unattached people seeking family life. Lots of useful information on single parent dating and our unique dating services

Welcome! Thank goodness you've found us!

Tue, 6 Jun 2006 20:49:13 +0000

Welcome to our web site offering practical support for single parent mothers and fathers......... Thoughts for the festive season

For many people the whole festive season can be problematic beyond belief. The dream of a happy family supported by perfect images grinning out from the adverts, coupled with selective memories from our own childhood, can make a horrible mix. Especially when combined with the guilt that our children may not be experiencing the magic, but instead shattered dreams and painful reminders of last year or the past. For so many people Christmas can be the most emotionally charged time. Though remember, as sure as night follows day, Christmas is coming. So, how can the festive season be improved? Easy! Slow the whole charade down, lower the heat, manage expectations, reduce the tempo, go back to basics, and keep it simple. The family really can have a wonderful and festive time doing things slightly differently. The frenetic monster that is the Christmas bandwagon really isn’t meant to be an ideal that so few of us (regardless of our situations) are able to live up to or even want. It wasn’t so long ago that people worked on Christmas morning, or that Father Christmas brought a tangerine, a walnut, pens, and a book. To this day my favourite festive films include ‘A wonderful life’ and ‘Little Women’. So much atmosphere so little commercialism. I may sound like a character from one of these films but I do believe (as I am sure most people do) that families, whatever their shape and whoever they include, can re-group at Christmas and remind themselves of love, security, warmth, and togetherness. To believe that this is an impossible dream because parents are separated or apart is negative and hopeless. It may be hard I grant, particularly when emotions and feelings are raw, but the warm feelings associated with security and stability do not have to be over, forever, when families divide. There are some simple tips, which might help. Plan Reduce potential conflict by discussing and agreeing the plan of action well in advance and be careful to make sure every one knows where they are meant to be, with whom and doing what. Talk to the children and take their thoughts into consideration. Making arrangements clear will reduce confusion, worry and potential conflict. Be aware of that grim trio: exhaustion, expense, and expectation. Try, and avoid the pitfalls that might accompany them. Almost too boring to write - but do plan menu’s, cook and freeze it. There, I said it! Once you have planned, you can put the whole thing to the back of your mind. When December emerges you can join in as late as you want without having a hot flush every time you see a piece of tinsel. Presents As far as presents go, try and make sure expectations are managed and that everyone is aware that presents will be simple. Then make jars of pickles/sweets/biscuits for friends and other adults or create a personalised certificate offering your time or talents, buy books in second hand shops. There are many ways to give lovely gifts on a budget. Your own children do not need a trillion expensive gifts. Agree with other family members (e.g. other parent or extend family) that there will be no outmanoeuvring on the present giving front and come to some agreements. Be realistic Know what you can manage and what you can’t. You might find it useful to try and look at things from the children’s perspectives. Tensions can run very high at Christmas, often fuelled by alcohol. Unless you are absolutely sure you can pull a ‘Fergie and Andrew Christmas’ off do not try it. Whilst the idea of having Mum and Dad eating the turkey together may be great in theory, remember Christmas can be stressful and the combination of pent up emotion, and emotional blow-ups are the last things needed. If you are going to be alone If it is your turn to be on your own, then also make plans. Maybe find other friends or family who might like to get together, or else think of something totally different like volunteering for Crisis at Christmas (go to the crisis website www.crisis.org.uk) or there is another group called time bank offering loads of different ways to volunteer at Christmas This looks like a great way to make a difference whilst passing the day, helping others, and benefiting from a new experience. Whatever you decide to do make sure you have your plan set in advance rather than burying your head in the sand. Create some little rituals, traditions, and memories for you and your family Enrich your enjoyment of the season by enjoying simple things. Look at your family and think about some good cheap fun that you can have together - not things that just you want to do, or the children just want to do, but that you BOTH want to do. Make memories for the children and make it YOUR family’s Christmas. If you have smallish ones you could…. Take a bus to the town centre to see the lights and have a hot chocolate out after dark Go for a walk in the countryside or park, find cones and decorate them Make some Christmas presents for family and friends Buy a wintery jigsaw and all try and complete it together over the holidays Have an impromptu BBQ for the neighbours, your children their friends and parents. Cook some sausages make it a ‘bring-a-bottle’ and have some low key, last minute, fun. Look out some carol by candlelight services at a local church There are lots of things to do that warm the cockles of your heart that do not require a huge outlay of money, just a bit of planning. These memories will really count. Next week we are looking at family meetings. A family meeting is a great way to manage expectations , get a bit of excitment going and make sure that everyone can have their say and also know exactly what is going to happen, so do look out for that. We are two regular folk who have found ourselves single parents. We are both utterly amazed to this day that we are in this grouping. Although we would fight tooth and nail to admit that this is a defining part of ourselves, we do secretly acknowledge that recognising this fact is pretty important when it comes to dealing with ‘stuff’.

Feel like a bag of old spanners? Crying, not sleeping, do you need to go to the doctors ?

Mon, 5 Jun 2006 08:21:11 +0000

If so, it could be that a little bit of extra help is needed. Everyone has ups and downs, but there does come a point when you might need a little bit more, especially when a good night's sleep is not helping with your overwhelming feelings of despair.

Do you have feelings of deep despair which, at the back of your mind, you know are out of proportion to your situation?

Are the negative feelings of loss and mourning getting worse as time goes by?

Are you crying a lot?

Are you sleeping badly?

Are you feeling a little unwell and under the weather?

Would you like to talk and understand more and more?

Enough about me lets talk about YOU .....what do you think about me???? !!!! Read this to know that you matter to everyone

Sun, 4 Jun 2006 20:45:56 +0000

You ,toi,ti,dich,………..could be a good line for a song

It is not by chance that the category entitled 'YOU' found its way to the top of the pile. As we have gone about our business it is a constant theme that single parents often feel that they are not really looking after themselves properly. This is usually swiftly followed by 'well I don’t have time, money or energy to anyway', plus a whole raft of other excuses which are used to justify why they might think they should not get the extra effort. Thus exposing a belief that to spend time on themselves is tantamount to skiving!!!!!! Nothing could be further from the truth.

Busy, tired, juggling constantly? Take some time out to read this little ditty. It may help you to prioritise.

Sun, 4 Jun 2006 20:32:04 +0000

The importance of trying to understand your priorities

Busy, tired, juggling constantly pushed and pulled?? Well take some time out to read this rather sharp little ditty it sort of makes sense and may help you prioritise. When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee!!! Bear with me and read on...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

Write a diary - it' s an order! See how far you can come and get some cheap self-administered therapy!

Fri, 12 May 2006 09:43:13 +0000

Writing a diary.

I have been reading some interesting things recently about the power of positive thought some of it sounds down right barking, but then never underestimate the power of the brain. According to radio 4 yesterday you can fool the brain with all manner of tricks such as placebos and I am not talking just pills. Take 20 dodgy knees everyone anaesthetised half got operated on and bandaged and half just got bandaged !! guess what ? The two gammy knee groups did as well as each other! I digress suffice it to say there are those, including the lady who runs the merry widow site who believe that if you think positive things you strengthen these channels in the brain and if you are always negative your brain forgets how to goof around etc. So why not follow the example of the multi talented Oprah Winphrey and each day write down 6 things you are grateful for. I think 6 is too many unless you are going to do the same bleeding obvious 6 everyday. I would go for 3 different ones each day. By taking time to grovel about for the positive things that each day can bring it makes us focus on good things. Et volia accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative

Dance Like Nobody Is Watching, one of those feel good tales gives you hope and goosepimples

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 11:31:07 +0000

A lovely little tale

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death. The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved. "I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life."