Kate & Emily - You

It is now time to focus on the future , why not think about some life coaching

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 13:19:47 +0000

It’s time to focus on you.

When was the last time you really focused on yourself? For so many of us, life has taken unexpected turns, events have overtaken us and though we’re managing to ‘get by’, we can’t remember a time when our focus was on ourselves. Sound familiar? Following whatever major change or upheaval you have experienced, maybe now you feel ready to move ahead with your life. You may feel that it is time to increase the positive influences around you, increase your social network or focus on new healthy relationships. Whatever the reason, it is time to focus on you.

Susie's Story - her journey and the lessons she learnt on the way

Mon, 8 Jan 2007 11:15:30 +0000

My situation may be different from many as I made the conscience decision to bring up my son in a lone parent house hold. The woman leaving the man, I had to leave the family home, find elsewhere to live etc etc it was all very role reversal. There were no other people involved, it was based purely on the fact that I was deeply deeply unhappy and had to make a positive step to change where my life was heading. I knew my happiness would directly affect my son’s happiness and vise versa. What I found out during this transitional phase in my life and that is exactly what it was when I look back at it now, i morphed into what it was I needed to be and so changed the way i worked, thought, lived and acted to accommodate this new and sometimes overwhelming responsibility in life. I went through an incredibly dark period whilst on that journey and suffered with depression, very low self esteem and my confidence suffered for a while. But I did come out the other side, more positive, a little bruised maybe, a lot lot stronger and with a well balanced child who has two parents who love him dearly. I’m definitely wiser and of course the reason for it all, so much happier in life.

Collaborative law is not an easy option but it does offer reduced costs and more flexibility (article from The Times, 21/11/06)

Tue, 5 Dec 2006 13:46:16 +0000

Bringing harmony to divorce

Authors: James Stewart is a partner of Manches LLP and Charlotte Bradley a partner of Kingsley Napley. They were two of the first solicitors in this jurisdiction to train as collaborative lawyers

BREAKING up is never easy and, no matter how the breakdown arises, litigation over the terms of the separation will make things even more difficult. Sir Paul McCartney’s divorce from Lady McCartney demonstrates the most extreme example of an acrimonious break-up. However, the publicity obscures that, throughout the UK, family lawyers and separating couples are striving to reduce acrimony in divorce. Resolution, an organisation of almost 5,000 family solicitors, has actively sought to ensure that family law disputes are dealt with in a way designed to preserve people’s dignity and to encourage agreement. Resolution also encourages the use of dispute resolution methods other than litigation, such as mediation and collaborative law (www.resolution.org.uk).

How to revert back to your maiden name - it's not as straightforward as you'd think

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 12:12:03 +0000

Dear Kate & Emily,

I want to change everything back to my maiden name, I don't want to have anything in my married name at all as that all now feels like history, and an old life. It’s time to get back to being me - plain old Jane Dubowzigernustbust. How on earth do I go about it? Any tips?

Many thanks,

Jane Smith (nee Dubowzigernustbust)

Dear Jane,

Just like you, many women want to revert back to their maiden name. This can be accomplished in one of two ways: by Deed Poll, or by using your decree absolute and marriage certificate. It is sometimes possible for a divorced woman to revert to her maiden name without the need for a Deed Poll if her decree absolute certificate and marriage certificate (which shows her maiden name) are accepted as documentary evidence of her change of name. Upon presentation of these certificates most government departments, and many companies and organisations, will change their records to show the woman's maiden name. However, some companies and organisations will not accept a decree absolute, in particular the financial institutions such as banks and building societies. So, my top tip is to get it covered NOW and go for the deed poll. It’s quick and easy to do by going to the country’s biggest and best www.deedpoll.org

Why you Should Make a Will

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 12:02:40 +0000

This article has been written for us by Sarah Budibent, a solicitor specialising in probate law.

Making a Will does not sound like fun, so it can easily end up being another job to put off for another day, like filling in your tax return and checking up on your pension.

Yet, most people would say that what happens to their family or their property after their death is hugely important to them and, without a Will, decisions about who will inherit and how much will be made according to fixed rules of law. The result may be far from what they would have wished or intended.

If you make a Will, you can decide exactly what you want done with your property after your death; you appoint personal representatives to carry out your wishes and guardians for your children; you can express wishes about the disposal of your body and you may also be able to save your beneficiaries from paying unnecessary tax.

Links, Services & Products

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 16:38:11 +0000

Here are some Links to sites, services and products that you might find useful, helpful and entertaining! Nothing's here without one or other of us having used it ourselves, visited it or been recommended - scroll away there's quite a few goodies, will raise a smile at the odd selection if nothing else!!

Here's a magazine called OneUp we've found that's just for single parents and step parents. You can subscribe to an online version Definately worth a look!

Here's a service you'll need if you want to go back to your maiden name Change Your Name By Deed Poll - Deed poll legal have been changing names for 10 years. If you need to change your name or your child's name then we can help. Our expert advice and knowledge will guide you through the process of changing your name. Our low cost deed poll's are accepted by all the relevant agencies and organisations. We are the name change experts.

Family Mediation in Wandsworth is a firm of SW London based mediators who are trained to help you and your ex come to agreement about the terms of your divorce. Email: mediation@adamfam.co.uk Tel: 020 3087 2836

Here's a new link for you - The White Company is a favourite of ours, all lovely to look at and they've got a sale on!!

But then a good night in is always welcome.... The idea for a link to Lovefilm.com came from my ex who swears by it for him,a nd for fun searhcing, ordering and then watching when he has the children

Don't EVER let it be said that we'll stand between a wine lover and a bargain....!!!! Visit Oddbins and see what they've got in the tipple department..

They say you have to kiss alot of frogs..... Might as well start getting through them here at singleparentmatch.com!!! This site's huge and has in its favour the fact that it's full of single peopel that won;t be freaked when they hear you have children!!!

SingleParentMatch.com - the best dating site for single parents!

armchair advice provides advice, information, support and resources for people who are experiencing relationship problems or marriage breakdown.

As for the nice man at Halfords who fitted my brake lights for a few quid in about 2 minutes without making a fuss - what a saviour for a 'young' lady with no strong man to ask to do it - they're doing loads of practical stuff now like fitting, adjusting and getting rid of scratches - all v reasonable and highly recommended by me....

Divorceaid Is an independent group of professionals who volunteer their time to help you. The site has articles, 24 hour helplines, divorce solicitors, a section for children, a website for teenagers, experts and books.

The Avon lady goes on-line! Avon has absolutely shedloads of stuff and special offers. Have a look, and think about becoming a rep. I know people who make a living out of it, and others who do it for a bit of extra...

If you're ready to jet off somewhere may I recommend GO Travel Insurance that I used for going to France last year for the children and me as being amazingly straightforward to do (spoke to no-one trying to sell me more) and v cheap (cheap enought o make someone who usulaly assumes that the worst WON'T happen to buy travel insurance!! happy Holidays!!

And if money's tight, but a family holiday, or an adventure with friends is what's needed then look what we've found - a site that has youth hostel type accomodation to stay in around the world, including the UK for the odd hearty weekend??? BOOK IT!!!

Collaborative Family Law GroupA new way to resolve divorce and family disputes with dignity and respect. Divorce takes an immense toll. Time, emotions and financial resources are often sacrificed. There is another way, a less adversarial, more solution-oriented alternative. It is collaborative family law.

Resolution Resolution which was formerly known as The Family Law Association is an organisation of 4,700 lawyers and family justice professionals who believe in a constructive, non confrontational approach to family law matters. Resolution also seeks to improve the family justice system.

My best friend (don't tell Kate) got fantastic bikinis from Figleaves and looked marv in her holiday snaps! Undies too, just in case one gets run over by a bus and wants to look decent for the doctors!!!!

Single Parent Dating - Kids No Object, the largest UK introduction agency for single parents and all unattached people seeking family life. Lots of useful information on single parent dating and our unique dating services

Welcome! Thank goodness you've found us!

Tue, 6 Jun 2006 20:49:13 +0000

Welcome to our web site offering practical support for single parent mothers and fathers.

We are two regular folk who have found ourselves single parents. We are both utterly amazed to this day that we are in this grouping. Although we would fight tooth and nail to admit that this is a defining part of ourselves, we do secretly acknowledge that recognising this fact is pretty important when it comes to dealing with ‘stuff’.

We're working, fun-loving, marginally eccentric, busy, smiley, mothers who don't live with the children's father (just cats, dogs, fish and rabbits).

Feel like a bag of old spanners? Crying, not sleeping, do you need to go to the doctors ?

Mon, 5 Jun 2006 08:21:11 +0000

If so, it could be that a little bit of extra help is needed. Everyone has ups and downs, but there does come a point when you might need a little bit more, especially when a good night's sleep is not helping with your overwhelming feelings of despair.

Do you have feelings of deep despair which, at the back of your mind, you know are out of proportion to your situation?

Are the negative feelings of loss and mourning getting worse as time goes by?

Are you crying a lot?

Are you sleeping badly?

Are you feeling a little unwell and under the weather?

Would you like to talk and understand more and more?

Enough about me lets talk about YOU .....what do you think about me???? !!!! Read this to know that you matter to everyone

Sun, 4 Jun 2006 20:45:56 +0000

You ,toi,ti,dich,………..could be a good line for a song

It is not by chance that the category entitled 'YOU' found its way to the top of the pile. As we have gone about our business it is a constant theme that single parents often feel that they are not really looking after themselves properly. This is usually swiftly followed by 'well I don’t have time, money or energy to anyway', plus a whole raft of other excuses which are used to justify why they might think they should not get the extra effort. Thus exposing a belief that to spend time on themselves is tantamount to skiving!!!!!! Nothing could be further from the truth.

Busy, tired, juggling constantly? Take some time out to read this little ditty. It may help you to prioritise.

Sun, 4 Jun 2006 20:32:04 +0000

The importance of trying to understand your priorities

Busy, tired, juggling constantly pushed and pulled?? Well take some time out to read this rather sharp little ditty it sort of makes sense and may help you prioritise. When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee!!! Bear with me and read on...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

Write a diary - it' s an order! See how far you can come and get some cheap self-administered therapy!

Fri, 12 May 2006 09:43:13 +0000

Writing a diary.

I have been reading some interesting things recently about the power of positive thought some of it sounds down right barking, but then never underestimate the power of the brain. According to radio 4 yesterday you can fool the brain with all manner of tricks such as placebos and I am not talking just pills. Take 20 dodgy knees everyone anaesthetised half got operated on and bandaged and half just got bandaged !! guess what ? The two gammy knee groups did as well as each other! I digress suffice it to say there are those, including the lady who runs the merry widow site who believe that if you think positive things you strengthen these channels in the brain and if you are always negative your brain forgets how to goof around etc. So why not follow the example of the multi talented Oprah Winphrey and each day write down 6 things you are grateful for. I think 6 is too many unless you are going to do the same bleeding obvious 6 everyday. I would go for 3 different ones each day. By taking time to grovel about for the positive things that each day can bring it makes us focus on good things. Et volia accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative

You

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 21:11:45 +0000

Change is inevitable except from vending machines… wise words!!
If you're not embarrassing your children you’re not having enough fun. Even wiser words!
'Why? Because you're worth it'. You can’t beat a multi zillion pound ad campaign to give you the excuse you need for a long hot bath and hair wash

There are a couple of home truths that have become increasingly clear to us. The first is that you matter an awful lot to the success of your family. The second is that spending time looking after yourself properly doesn't come naturally to everybody, and so here are some articles and worksheets to get you thinking about YOU.....

Articles:

Worksheets:

You’re Settling in to it Now Worksheet

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 11:41:49 +0000

Q1 Make a list of words or phrases that describe your life now

Q2 Which of these words are as a result of being a single parent? Which are would you be like, or be doing regardless of being a single parent?

Q3 What do you see as being the main differences (good and bad) between you and your married friends with children? Write each difference on to its own post-it note or piece of paper.

Once you’ve done that put each difference into one of 3 piles:

1) You are envious of
2) Make you pleased to be a single parent
3) Fall in between these 2 piles

Q4 Make a list of words that describe your children

Sorting Those Irritations Out Worksheet

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 11:39:15 +0000

Q1 Write down the things that stress you out. But them in order of most stressful to least stressful

Q2 Write down the things that stress the children out. But them in order of most stressful to least stressful

Q3 Look at them and decide which you….

are completely responsible for

are partly responsible for

have some say in, but you’re not responsible for

have no say in and no responsibility for

Q4 Look at each stress point and work out what’s in it for you and the children if it got sorted.

IF YOU’RE COMPLETELY RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY OF THE STRESS POINTS…

Now to the Future Worksheet

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 11:35:20 +0000

Q1 Describe how you picture your life in 5 years time

Q2 What would YOU like to be like in 5 years time?

Q3 What do you imagine for the children in 5 years time?

Q4 How’s your life going to change then?

Q5 List the pro’s and con’s of each of these changes from…

your perspective

your children’s perspective

your ex’s perspective

Q6 Are the con’s too persuasive? Do you need to think of an alternative future?

Q7 How are you going to make your future happen?

Q8 What do you have to do as a first step? Second? Third step?

Q9 Give yourself a deadline for each step you’ve identified