Kate & Emily - Dear Kate & Emily

No Dad at the birth ? who was your birthing partner ? would you like to share your story

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 13:13:52 +0000

Hi – I’m a freelance journalist for Prima baby magazine and I’m looking for a single mum who’s birth partner was their mum, sister, friend – anyone apart from the baby’s dad.If you would like more information contact Sally Janes at

sallyfeatures@tiscali.co.uk

Co parenting hassels

Tue, 4 Nov 2008 22:01:20 +0000

My ex's mother actually bought your book before my son was born.
It made great reading, but unfortunatley i rather hurridly got my hope ups that it would be quite easy? so wrong i was.
Afterall how can it be so hard to put your baby first and be civial to his mother?
Extremley difficult for my ex.
We split up after finding out i was pregnant, well shortly after my decision to keep our baby. It was very up and down during the pregnancy but he came to scans and appointments and we even met up once a week (pretty good eh?) to discuus our baby and our ideas and views on how wed deal with things. This was often met with arguments. Maybe the new girlfriend 6 months into didnt help.

advice needed

Sun, 2 Nov 2008 20:49:01 +0000

Hi,

I seperated from my ex-partner last November after a very difficult relationship. In april this year he finally got the message that we wouldn't be getting back together. We have 2 children together who are now toddlers (almost 2). He sees them once a month for a weekend. We live 150 miles apart.

I met someone new in May, and we have been seeing more and more of each other and are actually now quite serious about each other. He is a lovely guy, who treats me like a princess and adores the children.

I am really worried about how to tell the childrens Dad about this relationship though, and also worried about his reaction. What i dont want is for this relationship to get so far that we may end up talking about living together or getting married and the childrens dad still not to be aware. I am sure he must have some rights to know?!

working full time or part time

Sun, 2 Nov 2008 12:02:39 +0000

Dear Kate and Emily - I found out about your book by pure chance -fashion in She magazine it was and thank you finally something that's up beat practical, not american and helpful. I am constantly told don't increase your earning potential you'll get less money - my husband left six months ago - our relationship of 24 years had died out it seems he is now on his second girl firend however despite the fact he thinks he's the perfect one who's left for the children how did he find another woman in two weeks if it was all that "sudden , i can't stand our rows it's all your fault " type reason for leaving??? anyway there is a chance i could increase my hours from part-time to fulltime on a fixed term basis with the opportunity to extend or to return to before and i cna't decide.

new relationships

Sat, 1 Nov 2008 23:16:44 +0000

hi there
new to this!! been single mum for 6 months and many ups and downs. I decided to leave so know ex is in v different place to me hence lots of anger and difficult conversations. I am v lucky that i met a great guy 3 months ago who is a single dad, we have embarked on this v intemse romantic affair. I feel very much like he is my soul mate and cant quite believe how lucky i am to have met him, but my worry is that it is so early after my separation, and that i should have waited before i met / started dating and i dont want to get hurt or hurt him. i suppose my question is, is it ever too early to meet soemone else? All advice i read says you must wait.

How do I help her?

Sun, 5 Oct 2008 13:56:13 +0000

Hi Kate and Emily,
I don't know what to say to help my daughter deal with questions from her friends about her parent's separation. We have been living apart from Dad for 6 months now but as she has recently changed school she has been asked on a number of occasions. She will be 11 soon and I am unsure what to say to help her deal with awkward questions.Single parents seem to be few and far between in our circle of 'friends'.

soon-to-be single mum

Sat, 4 Oct 2008 21:58:14 +0000

I am due to give birth to my first child in two weeks. I had a short and relatively casual relationship with the father which had pretty much come to an end by the time I found out I was pregnant. While he didn't initially want to keep the baby he has been supportive from a financial, pratical and emotional perspective. I had hoped we could work things out as a couple but he has always been clear that is not what he wants and he is now in another relationship. I realise we are about to be hit by a tidal wave of emotion when the little one arrives and I desperately want to make sure that we can build a healthy friendship so he stays involved and forms a bond with his baby (without my own insecurities and jealousy re: his new relationship getting in the way).

Ex wanting too much flexibility with contact arrangements

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 20:24:57 +0000

My ex and I have been apart since April. We have two boys coming up for 3 and 1 and my ex has a 7 year old son with his ex-wife. My ex lives 1 mile away and his 7 year old lives an hours drive away. I don't know if my ex will stay here much longer as he may have to get a new job plus he isn't local anyway.

Basically, my ex has been seeing someone since July and since then, the issue around contact has become more and more strained. Basically, he doesn't seem very interested in our boys. I think he sees them as an inconvenience - he certainly acts like this. We agreed he would come over 2 evenings a week for 2.5 hours to put them to bed. This has pretty much gone to plan, with us swapping evenings with mornings when he does a 1 in 6 week late shift. However, this week he went down South (his gf lives 260 miles away) and told me he couldn't come on Tuesday morning as he had a course so we swapped to Wednesday morning. No biggie except I know there was no course and that he was down south.

What do you know about Camels?

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 23:45:36 +0000

Hello to all,just joined the forum and to not be ghost user with no posts will post some USELESS joke :)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Smoking in the Rain"

Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke.
Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a good idea! But, what is that thing you put over your cigarette?"
The other old lady said, "It's a condom."
"A condom? Where do you get those?"

Disrespecting agreed conditions - what do I do?

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 19:19:14 +0000

My ex and I finally early this year managed to set out an agreed contract of contact between my ex and my son (now 18months). In brief we have not been together since I fell pregnant and his contact was erratic over the first year.
The agreed contact was that he would have our son every other friday night overnight to saturday evening, there have been other issues between us including my granting him PR which is still ongoing. Part of the agreement was that he would have our son at his parents home(and I was led to believe at the time his).

I have since found out he has had a girlfriend for over a year, and has been living with her and her 4 kids for some time. When i found this out 3 months ago i asked him if our son was staying there or at his parents as we'd agreed, he assured me that he was staying with him at this parents, I commented that if he wanted our son to stay at the girlfriends it would probably be ok but that I would like to meet her first.

Three years on and still tough

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 12:20:18 +0000

Hi,

I just wondered if anybody would have any advice before I say something to my ex that I will later regret. I have an eight year old daughter and I split up with her dad three years ago. He met somebody straight away while I remained on my own. We managed to compromise for our daughters sake and worked through alot of the teething problems as they arose. However, about 6 months ago he announced that he was ending the relationship with his current girlfriend and would remain on his own. My daughter was fine about this as she had not got that much of attachment to his girlfriend anyway.

Dad never plans anything

Mon, 1 Sep 2008 11:17:23 +0000

I separated from my ex 18 months ago after 13 years which was always pretty up and down. We are both much happier now and though he claims to feel very depressed sometimes about the situ he appears to have moved on with ease, finding a new girlfriend within weeks of the separation and enjoying his new life without all the family responsibility. I have managed (mostly)to stay on civil terms with him for the sake of our wonderful boys who are now 5 and a half and almost 3. They adore him and he sees them tues and thurs after work and does baths etc and has them a full day every weekend. My problem is that he used to take them swimming, to the park, football and stuff but now never makes any plans for them.

Mothers opinions dis-regarded!

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 11:06:05 +0000

Can i ask your advice? My husband has recently started seeing a woman who apparently is very religious. I always went to Sunday school as a child and although I am not religious I am a member of the church of Scotland. My ex has never been religious however and we decided when our son was born to let him make up his own mind re his beliefs when he was older. Now, as his new girlfriend goes to church (he wont tell me the denomination and simply tells me its a Christian church - i beleive its Evangelist or Baptist) hes started taking our son to Sunday school there. I've said that I would rather he didnt go but he says when son is with him he will go as he is going.

Dad doesn't want to co parent I am worried he is trying to replace me

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 00:11:41 +0000

My 13 year relationship ended 1 and 1/2 years ago. I have two beautiful children aged 9 and 2 1/2. Towards the end of the relationship I suffered a lot of emotional abuse and occassional physical. My ex left for another woman who he has now proposed to marry.I am beginning to get over the sense of bitterness and disappointment that things will not be as I expected. My children see him regularly - every other weekend and once in the week. More recently he has begun to have them overnight as he now has a place that he can do this. He recently became aggressive and threatened to take me to court if he is not able to have more access.

After 10 years and no support my ex now wants to be involved

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 16:41:49 +0000

Hi Kate

How do I cope with an ex who denied our child, abandoned us, refused support, married someone else, had another child with her and now after nearly a decade years wants to start building bridges.

He was cruel and heartless and his apologies just make me feel worse as they bring everything back. how dare he have more children when he has never even met our dautghter ?

Louise

Hi Louise

You let it happen because you know deep down it is the right thing to do for your daughter and you cope by letting the past go not forgiving not forgetting but looking forward and being the hero in all this . It is incredibly difficult and you have done the right thing all along but for your daughters sake and to be honest your own sake you need to find a way of letting this very important bridge be built