Tears when leaving my daughter

Hi, I separated from my husband about 2 months ago (my choice - and the correct one!). I drop my 2yr old daughter off at his every friday, and it's a nightmare. As soon as we get there, she becomes very clingy and cries hysterically when I try to leave. I have adopted the same technique as I used at nursery (which has been successfaul there) and give her a kiss, tell her I'm going and when I am coming back to get her, and leave. It is breaking my heart to leave her in such a state, and my ex and his family aren't helping by saying I have to get used to it as I broke the family up. This is the only part of the break up that I am having difficulty dealing with, so I would appreciate some advice!

Thanks

Categories:

Helping The Children / Worried About The children

Hi Even though your daughter

Submitted by kate on Sat, 2009-07-04 07:01.

Even though your daughter is very young , percieved wisdon from child expertts (not me )is that babies are much more aware to changes in their surroundings than many of us assume. So the old chestnuts , that they are too young to know what is going on , won't remeber and so on that most people still believe and to bat on like glossing over like this is a mistake.

The first few years of development are crucial so you are right to want to deal with this so here are some nuggets from the bookshelf which I will try to turn into a plan of action for you .

Infants and toddlers are preprogrammed to respond to and emotinally tune into those around them , because of their total dependance on you ....Even when you don't think they are, babies are reacting you you , your mood and this is what makes them feel loved and secure

one of a babies first development milestones is a trust in her environment and this is achieved when she has trust and feels comfortable in her home. , change and new circumstances make this very hard for little ones to process.

Now as we know successful single parents are the masters of consistency so you do need a plan. As ever I would arrange a meeting with Dad and in a positve lets crack this nut for the good of our daughter ( I get a bit of a whiff of tough , you created this problem - look see what you have done - IGNORE this , don't rise to the bait , it is not the point and not the reason you are seeking a solution ).

Suggest that your daughter could have some contact between visits , daily telephone call would be great , should last about 20 seconds top wack , skype waves , she needs to see everyone is alright

Be calm positive and excited about Dad and his life and home , relaxed warm and happy and ad to about her life with you

Make sure Dad is familiar and sticking to her routines , her food , her toys , her TV programmes . Make sure some of her things are going with her . Bed time stories.

Lots and lots of cuddling and loving and general its OK all the time , more than normal . From both of you in both houses.

So this is all about the vibe from both of you , now I really am no expert here can you hand over in the park,can you linger with each other a little , can granny be there .I do think the long term answer though is lots of love , positive feelings about Dad and his home , consistency and more consistency and as much familiarity as you can muster between the two houses , don't get lured down the treats and bribery avenue .

Then when she comes back you are jolliness personified , just as with the nursery , did you have a lovely time ? wonderful......................... , what did you do ? how exciting.......................... and all that malarky

I hope things improve i am sure they will , but like nursery visits with Dad are not negotiable

All the best

Kate