Kate & Emily

Email to friend

This post will be long but here it goes, please forgive any typos or errors;)

Having met my childrens father 3 years ago, the relationship was turbulent and unsettling and we never felt comfortable, plus he can be very dismissive if i suggest we try and talk, he is nigerian and i am jamaican, these two cultures have their silly differences also! My ex is a very secrective or in his words private but hardly divulge any info to me, when we were together he would never allow me to speak to his family ( who are based in Nigeria ). I do not want to sound egostical as i am trying very hard not to be as i am aware in situations like these Ego can take over. The relationship ended acrimoniously in july of 2009 and we have been at loggerheads ever since. Our first child was born in june 2008 and our second child was born in jan 2010 and as it stands he has not seen his daughter since last year november, for the first six weeks of our split he had no access as he refused contact so as the ending was so new i thought give him some time but when he did resurface he would make demands of seeing his daughter but refused to give me his home address (all i had at the time was a pay as you go number for him), as he comes from a wealthy background and myself who cannot match that wealth, he threatened to take our daughter out of the country away from me to Nigeria as his family would support him with getting her out which i now understand has no agreement with the uk regarding child abduction. Maybe this was just a threat but i realised in his statement the reality if that had occured! Obviously concerned i said no access without my being there unless an address can be provided. I have always wanted us as parents to be reasonable and to communicate our childrens need above our own but to cut it short everytime we have arranged to meet or he wanted access i would get her ready and he would always cancel at the last minute, then he refused to give any maintenance as far as he was concerned i would spend it on myself! Fine i said buy her what she needs, he would also cancel saying he cannot bring her bits as something has come up on most occasions. All this being pregnant with our son, he has refused to acknowledge his son as he now states he is not the father and has not contributed any thing towards him, i did not cheat but he stated i have slept with many men whilst i was with him (i loved the childrens father so much) and just beacuse i had 3 males friends and he met every single one even had supper with them from time to time, these men were friends for years before i met him all who are married and i get on with their wives and he said this was too much but he had many female friends and i had no problem ( i now know he had slept with every single one of them and was judging me based on his own actions )etc to which i had not but yet when i gave birth to him he texted me that he wanted to name his son to which i said yes, no problem. I think i am sounding like an idiot here, but anyway after all of that he would still make demands and accuse me of denying him time with his daughter and he was very abusive, he would bring up things from my past to hurt me and my family who were working class scum as far as he was concerned and yet i knew he was angry and so was i but i just wanted some peace.

1 week after giving birth to our son, some mail arrived for him, these were payslips to which i found out he was still using my address to work and all other things, i texted him asking him if he could stop using my address with no anger and then he called me back threatened to kill me and did not care what happened, so what if he is using the address were his words etc up until this point he would want to see his son and daughter but cancel at last minute. Then he stated he was in a relationship with another woman who had children and that if i did not give him time with his daughter, they would be calling social services and they did twice anonomously, once on the very day i registered our son`s birth and the second time he gave his address to the social services to make a formal complaint but refused to give to me, he said social services would take the children away and he and his partner are applying for full custody of our daughter after that said i should enjoy the very little time i have left with the children, he denied his son but reported the two children to the social services. Social services did their investigations and closed the case but after that i had had enough, being pregnant was enough, plus having to do everything with no help from him! but i could take no more, so i filed for a prohibited steps and a restraining order as i just did not know what this man was going to do next! Now we are no longer in communication and he states i am bitter bitch and a whore who has denied him access. Which is not the case but i am completely fed up and to top it all he moved into my area as people see him all the time and then i saw him, first on my own and then with our children and guess what?.........He walked past the children like they do not exist this after myself suggesting mediation lawyers anything to get the situation straight, communicating etc after all his demands and bullshit, after all the stress endured he walked past them and could only muster a smile at them. But i cannot help thinking if i could of done something else or more? Please some help or advice plus it was our daughter`s birthday recently and he made no contact even though i sent him a text to suggest talking to alleviate the situation. I am just tired and exhausted from all of this but i really want him to be in their lives without all the aggro!